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A Valid Question – Part 2

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On the other end of that whispered prayer there became a growing desire to pursue some further study in the area of music and ministry, singing particularly and worship leading at its more specific end.  I did some research and came up with a couple of possible places that catered to both, neither of them in NZ, one of them predictably Hillsong College, the other being the then lesser known School of Creative Arts (as it was then, now C3 College). To cut a long story short I chose to apply only to SCA.

As to why I made that choice, some years before I had overheard a conversation between the then Principal of the college and a friend of mine, in which he said to her, “If all you can think about when you wake up in the morning, is singing, you should be at my college.”  I’m not sure what sort of impact this had on my friend though she did indeed spend a year at his college the following year (1994ish) but that statement went right through me and never really left though at the time I remember shaking my head thinking “that could never be about me.”

Fast Forward to that evening in 1998 and the whispered prayer that really started the ball rolling, so when I’m thinking about which college to apply to, Crabman’s statement came back to mind and I figured I’d give it a shot… I’d put in the application to SCA and let God or fate decide whether I’m going, or not, on the back of a successful or otherwise application.

Cue a successful application, some incredible financial support from my church (who paid 2.5 years of fees for me, I am still blown away by that) and I found myself right up at February 1999 waiting at the airport for my ride to CCC (Christian City Church then, now C3 church) and the beginning of a 3 year journey of challenge, insight, faith, frustration, but above all, friendship.

You see, realistically, the best, most magnificent legacy of that time (and there were many, some less good than others) are the people I encountered and who have become the best and most important part of my world.

I started writing a list of the for you, until I realised there was no way words about each of my incredible friends does them any justice, suffice it to say that I have been incredibly blessed with people who know me. People who really, really know me and love me just the same. People who see way more in me than I do, and who have grieved my choice to move away, almost as much as I have.

They are the greatest part of my world, and the hardest part of Sydney to leave.

So, that’s basically how I ended up in Sydney, and frankly, why I stayed so long.  I have documented a little of why I’m moving on, it isn’t nearly so ‘spiritual’ a reason as a direct call to come and learn ministry.  Actually, it’s probably just as spiritual, but in these 14 years there is a great deal that’s changed for me about what spiritual means.

But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post. For another day.

One. By. One

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F is for FlightThis is a bit of a brain dump, a post because I can, because it’s not busy, because my heart’s full today. I’m counting my blessings, and the blessings of others. Or something. Anyway… *opens brain… pours*

It’s Friday.

A client paid today. Not THE main client with the biggest outstanding bill (it’s been a bit tough out here on that issue lately… to the point I’ve been looking for real jobs…eek). At least it’s one that means I won’t have to go into overdraft to pay the rent. Blessing? Check!

My friend Mirre had a big girl, grown up, exhibition, in a real life, professional gallery, (and Akira Ishogawa was there!) I was proud on any number of levels. She’s amazing, her work is beautiful, thought provoking and healing. And she’s getting the recognition she deserves.

Two of my favourite people on the planet are about to release a book. I’m building their website. It’s going to impact a lot of creative people for good. Seriously. You’ve met him on my site before, he’s Crabman, one of the single most influential people in my world in the last 10 years. Below is the book preview video, watch it, it’s gorgeous. I’ll let you know when the site’s up.

Living With A Creative Mind from Jeff Crabtree on Vimeo.

The weather has been gorgeous. Gorgeous.

I will be home tonight. For the first time in 10 days. Home, and can cook something. I need recipe ideas… your time starts…

NOW

The Farewell Speech.

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It’s not without a little bit of a pause that one decides to hand in their notice after 7 years.  These days people look a little askance at someone whose résumé has such long tenure with one employer, however, they’re usually assuming someone is unambitious and unmotivated towards brighter and bigger things; they’re not seeing the bigger picture of just to whom it is this servant has been in service.

I was asked publicly early on in my time on staff to define why I loved working here and the answer has never changed.  I love serving an eternal purpose not a temporal one.  I love that people are the bottom line, not the usual bottom line of profit and loss.  Our profit is the extraordinary community of people who have gathered around the One extraordinary person of Jesus, and I will never be sorry to have given so much time for such a place.  But places and people change, I’ve changed and I owe much of that to this place, to the people who have been around my world in this time.  I’ve not only walked through pleasant and peaceful ground but also water and fire, and in all of it I’ve  grown, developed, overcome and achieved things I’d never have imagined possible. I’ve studied, learned, taught, loved, lost, lived and experienced. The value of that is immeasurable and all in all, it has been marvellous. 

Now, I have other things to learn, others to teach, and new avenues to pursue so I think it’s time.  Seven; the number of completion.  Seven years, the perfect time to leave. [Note: I found out in discussion today with our Payroll clerk that in fact, this speech was actually delivered on my 7th anniversary! Wild!]

It is with grateful thanks that I acknowledge Pastors ____ and _____ for their faith in me and the extraordinary opportunities I have had to work along side them to serve their vision; The Captain, Fish and The Great Dane, who have been the most encouraging and supportive team to work with; they’d probably say long suffering too if they were asked… Crabman and Mrs Crabman for whom there are not enough words to express my gratitude for all their love and support over some of that rocky ground. P.I.A, pastor, friend and shoulder on more than one occasion!  Dixie whose spontaneous appearances at my window caused occasional heart stoppage but were always welcome. Cove a constant friend in all those years and OzLoz a new one! Finally, Daddyof3 with whom I worked closely in those early years and who STILL rings me up for occasional help with his computer…  These people are gold.  There’ll be no other team like you anywhere, and you and all the others of you who have gone unmentioned are the reason I will always look back at this time with love and immense gratitude.

Above all of this, I wish to thank God that his purpose for both me, and this place, was worked out in my being here for the last seven years.  He has sustained, encouraged, and moulded me through my time, and to you who remain, particularly those whose tenure is just beginning, allow Him to do the same and you too will surely fly.

Creative Arts

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Given that my reputation around here is as a photographer/singer/writing/web princess one might draw from such thoughts, a conclusion that I’m reasonably creative.  You may also draw this same conclusion, given my tendencies towards introspection, reflection, my messy room, my sensitivity to my environment, especially when it’s loud or busy, and/or my need to process my world by writing about it rather than talking about it or expressing it in some other physical fashion.

However, you may be surprised that creative was never a description I gave myself.

I thought I may be able to swing a knock-off of someone else’s work, a cross stitch where   I merely fleshed out someone else’s picture, or arranged someone else’s music for the voices I want to hear.  Interested in artistic pursuits.  But not creative.

Things change.  I no longer consider myself to not be creative.  I may even have lost a real coherent definition for such a thing in the mists of time.  But the thing I do know is that in the last 10 years I’ve become a lot truer to the person I am, creative OR technical, and I have a lot of appreciation for for artistic pursuits.

I blame this place.

Actually, it’s more than the place, it’s the people in it.  But basically, at SCA is where I learned the craft of singing, the life of Christian service and what it is to be a creative person in post modern culture AND in Christian circles.  This is something I can’t really explain to a basically non-church type audience… so let’s just leave that at that… and perhaps permit me to make my point.

SCA, its fearless leaders, the students, and the environment has been instrumental in releasing me to a) be me and b) to accept me.

I’m thinking about these things for 2 reasons.

One; In answer to Fi’s question as to why I was wearing my 2006 bridesmaid dress when I posted last night, it is the most gorgeous outfit I own and I had worn it to SCA’s inaugural, rather flash, fund-raiser event.  Had to look glam, girls… and, ooh, I totally did.  I wore my favourite shoes (which, incidentally, 24hours later, I’m still reaping the consequences of… toes hurt much?) and had a worthy number of positive comments.  It was so great to go and acknowledge the past work SCA has done and to look forward to the future; an alumni of great people committed also in artistic endeavour and to building a great, ongoing, resource where people learn great craft and skill but also great life.  I’m really proud to be a graduate in Arts study but also of this school.

Two; Because I’ve been doing a personal development course, one that takes a bit of a look at your ‘issues’ and helps to un-kink some of one’s unnatural responses to life, the universe and everything.  A week or two back we were asked to think about and discuss a person who had reflected to us feelings of value, acceptance and belonging.  This is significant for me because in my early years these things were rather lacking in my little corner of the world.  Not lacking because of any absence of love, but more from a parental ignorance of what their tender creative babe needed…  Anyway, a positive example of this kind of encouragement was sought by the facilitator and the first and most significant person who came to mind was Crabman (who has been featured before here 1 2). 

I don’t think we should underestimate our power to bring a person to life.  Without even being aware sometimes just the simplest things can answer some need in a person.  A kind word, a hug, acceptance.  I needed these things, and while I find them in my family, for sure, the balm for my need of a community that had space in it for me, just as I was, was applied by Crabman and this awesome school.

I hope that all of us have a teacher in our memories who lit us up in some small way, who went out of their way to make us feel valuable. 

Crabman did that for me. 

I hope, for my current and future students – I can do the same.