Doing Life Beautifully

I was sent this delightful email recently

—— Forwarded Message
From:Delightful Girl <dg@realjob.org.au>
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:00:50 +1000
To: Deeleea<deeleea@realjob.org.au>
Subject: wonder of wonders
 
Hey Dee,
 
How do you do life so beautifully??
xx
Delightful Girl.

Wow… I have to confess I really don’t feel like I do life beautifully at all… I told her as much too.  But I felt a little bit bad for not giving her some kind of answer… maybe even because doing so is good for me to get a handle on how I do life… I’ll give it to you too.  Just because, well, I can (and it’s good blog fodder given that I’ve been well down on THAT lately…)

Deeleea’s Top Ten for Doing Life (wonderfully or otherwise).

No Regrets, No Excuses.  This is probably the overriding mantra I live by.  As a card carying God-chick it probably ought to be something like love your neighbour… but… let’s say that’s number 2.  This is number one. 

No Regrets is basically about letting the past be just that.  No sense in letting stuff you’ve done get you down.  It’s done, it’s over, move on. 

No excuses is the same, it just says, I blew it, apologises and gets on with it, no monkeying about trying to make myself look better by coming up with an excuse.  I blew it. Sorry. Amen.

Sleep Naked. Ok, I should point out that these are in no particular order, and I aplogise now to anyone who knows me and now has that picture in their head.  However, doing away with pajamas was one of the best things I ever did (which includes having an electric blanket in winter…).  It’s a sensual thing, a I’m ok with this body (or enough to let myself see it) thing, and it’s ever so much more comfortable contending only with sheets than with pajama legs AND sheets, when you’re tossing and turning. (It’s also very important to put pajamas at the top of your packing list when you’re off traveling… Not that I’ve ever had to sleep in my t-shirt and pants at a friend’s place or anything… I’m just saying…)

Let’s move on shall we??

The Race of Life is against Time, not People. I’m choleric by nature, so have a tendency towards being a little bit competitive but I try to keep that to the arena, (oh, and board games are my competition of choice).  This speaks to the business of ‘he who dies with the most toys wins’ and ‘he who climbs over the most people to get to the top also wins.’  Wins what?  Not friends, that’s for sure.

Sort out your Family Relationships. If you’re on your own and all the family you have is not close (however physically distant they are) it’s not good.  I know there are all manner of things that can go wrong, all sorts of shit happens and I’m really not trying to be glib here. Some things can’t be fixed, but please, fix what can be, and if it means forgiving, just do it.  Make peace with your family, it’s the only one you have. (I can say this because I had about 5 years when I didn’t speak to my Dad.  Things are great now, but it’s only because I bit the bullet, forgave and decided to make peace with his new life and his new family.)

Come home to Love of some Kind. Ahem, it’s well documented round these parts that I’m not married, (applications on a postcard please), added to that, I live alone. To do that well I’m highly in favour of single people living alone getting a pet.  I’m a major advocate for cat owning, and by preference of breed – Burmese owning.  But I guess a dog will do in a pinch if  you’re allergic to cats.

Truth be told there really is nothing better to coming home to someone who couldn’t be happier that you’re there (let’s not get into cupboard love references here, ‘k?).  It’s good for the soul, good to be a little bit responsible for someone else’s well being and it keeps your feet warm at night.

Have Great Friends. Single life is hard enough, don’t do it alone.  I could so easily get stuck alone, my nature is introverted (which some people may disagree with having just seen me jump around my office like a loony…) and as such, I recharge my emotional batteries alone.  I love quiet, love space, love being home with the cat.  But you can’t spend your life sequestered from other people, you end up bitter and twisted.  

Ask for Help.  Full.Stop.  This covers all manner of areas such as pride, and its obverse low-self esteem.  None of us are fully equipped to do life alone, not one of us are superior OR inferior to another. You have gifts I don’t have. I’m not so low that I can’t hope/expect that a) we can be friends, and b) you as my friend won’t bail me out of a crisis/illness/baking shortage, neither am I so important that I’m afraid for you to know that I don’t always have all my shit together. (gosh, I’ve said that twice now… see?  Still don’t have it all together…).  I guess this is where the ‘love your neighbour part comes in…)

Live Content Life’s good. Sure! It could be different, I could be a Mum instead of an Auntie, but I’m so thankful for those utterly fabulous niece and nephews.  A life different doesn’t necessarily mean better.  I’m thankful that I have the freedom to do as I please most of the time, to hang with friends, to work late into the night, to sleep on whichever side of the bed I please.  I don’t believe that a life different is necessarily a life better.  Have a great life now so there’s no better or worse, and when things change, and they wil change, there’s only different. 

Don’t Hold Grudges. I mean, really, who does it hurt to stay angry, bitter, to give someone the cold shoulder?  Swear it hurts you worse… Suck it up. Get over it. (Sorry if you hate that.. I realise some personality types really do find it difficult… still… it’s good advice.)

Lock in to God and Throw Away the Key. You’d expect a section like this from me really.  This is the security question.  If your security is in anything other than God you’re bound to be buffeted about in the storms of life more than you need to be.  To quote an famous (in my circles) hymn.  "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.).  Handling the shit (oops. there it is again) that happens is a lot better when your whole life doesn’t rise and fall on a person, a family, your bank balance, the model of car you drive… all these things will fail at some point. God? He.Will.Not.

I could go on, but this is the top ten.  I’ll finish with a couple of quotes that I think are gold.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

That which does not kill you makes you stronger ~ Frederick Neitzsche