Singular Scene

So Singular in Each Particular

Time for some more Dreams

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I’ve told the story before, somewhere in this blog’s archives, but a long time ago someone gave me a laptop.  It was a faith story, a God story and blew my mind a bit that someone would do that for me.  How that came about was a helluva story too…

To cut what is long story short to get to the point of THIS story, I had the computer on my dream board for a while and was really focused on it, praying about it, (to use a ‘Secret’ reference, sending  the desire out to the Universe if you will) and sure enough, the laptop I wanted came via a very good friend in the US who supplied it with all I needed and MORE!  In what has been a full circle I paid that laptop forward the other day to someone who needed it and am glad that the blessing just keeps going!

The dream board hasn’t had a lot of attention lately, it hangs above my bed so I look at it now and again and after making a fortuitous purchase on ebay today I realised I’ve actually come into possession of almost all the items on the board in one way or another over the last couple of years.  Guess it’s time to update it…

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The only items remaining are the camera, the lens and the European travel… that’s pretty good going!!

The Adobe Creative Suite was a leaving gift from my old workplace… I got the CS4 version… so that image has been up there a really long time…

The MacBook was also gifted to me when I left the church. I’ve since updated it with a brand new MacBook Pro… which I LOVE with all my gadget loving little heart.

The iPod became a redundant desire with the advent of my iPhone (which I also love more than any inanimate object should be revered, but seriously, is an iPhone inanimate? I don’t think so…)

The Flash was a purchase again, quite some time ago when I did a dance school photoshoot.  It doesn’t get nearly used enough… but then, neither does my camera…

The printer was a necessary purchase to complement my business and today I’ll go and collect the matching scanner…  The office now has all its electronica complete!!

Which brings us to the last item. The red sofa. 

I had a win on ebay today in what was one of those ‘down to the wire’ heart pounding auction finales…

The story of the sofa is this.  It’s an ikea ektorp 2.5 seater sofa bed which I’ve had my eye on for YEARS.  I’ve sat on them every time I went to Ikea and never been able to find the requisite $1200 to buy one.

I’ve had a saved search on ebay that alerts me everytime they come up for auction and this week it did.  Right price, right place, not quite the right colour, but that’s easily remedied.

I went looking for covers online only to discover that this model of sofabed has been DISCONTINUED. I nearly died of shock… so the stakes on the auction went right up (for me at least).  And today I sat at the computer staring at the clock having been outbid once already and dropped my highest bid bomb on the auction with 3mins to go and won…  I got the sofabed for $550, 100 under my maximum price.  Colour me relieved.

There’s an outfit in the US that makes custom covers for Ikea furniture and I’m waiting on swatches to see which fabric I’ll order. In the meantime the white sofa will be covered to keep certain kitty’s fur off it!! (Yeah, I know, good luck with that…)

I don’t think the dream board is magic; furthermore, in recent years I wonder what God really thinks about my materialistic desires… I DO think that putting the board up and keeping a certain amount of focus on the goals I’m working towards seems to be making those goals achievable…

Roll on Thursday when I get to pick this baby up!! (And here’s hoping it’s been a non smoking house… it is in Redfern after all…)

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Backward Glance at the Noughties

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I’m only glancing… for to dwell on the past is wasted energy… Particularly as my ability to remember anything other than useless trivia is a bit retarded…

I spent the click over to the year 2000 partying with friends in Oakura, NZ. We partied with a spinning torch some streamers and a kickarse game of trivial pursuit. Girls against guys. Girls won. BOOH YAH.

That first summer of the decade, and millennium for that matter, was the last one one I spent any great length of time in NZ (3 months), I was also dead certain I was only coming back to Australia for one more year (and God laughed so hard his orange juice came out of his nose).

12 months later, at the end of 2000 my best mate was praying for me backstage before we went on to lead worship and said… “you KNOW what you’re doing next year…”

True that. In my guts I knew then I was coming back for more study but I’d been avoiding the issue, I had no idea it would be for this long, neither did I know that Freddysmamma would become SO much a huge part of my life… she’s the mother of my godkids, partner in choral crime (such as it is) and general all round good egg (so good she’s not going to be fazed at all that I posted this photo, no she won’t… oh and it wasn’t taken in the year 2000, this is more like Christmas 2008)

BTW, She’s the one on the right..

Spent the year working as a nanny to 3 very over achieving kids, one of whom recently played one of the Billy Elliots in the Sydney production!

First nephew was born.

2001 dawned. Last year of college… Moved house, down to 3 other flatmates instead of 4, still house-mother to a bunch of younger girls… but all very independent, thankfully!

Finally got home to visit first nephew.

Big highlight was the Arts Festival wherein the two girls pictured above were joined by two marvellous fellas and sang an a capella set of musical arrangements for an audience – our major work with such classic tracks as ‘Tuxedo Junction, Amazing Grace and Java Jive’ classic barbershop numbers, some of which were our own arrangements and we had a BLAST!  Oh, and we passed with flying colours…

2001 was the 2nd year I had volunteered with the Music Department at church and at the close of that year, which finished out my college career to that point, I walked into a job as Assistant to the Music Director – the first of the 13 3rd years who graduated to get a full time job… but more about that later…

2002 Was my first full year of being a PA.  It was busy, I was on call, I babysat the kids, ran errands, booked travel. We recorded an album that year and gradually work and my boss moved into the central focus of my world. Truth is I loved them, I loved the life.

Moved house again, this time with one other flatmate. It was a great flat in Queenscliff with beautiful views of the Ocean.  My flatmate Bliss was a dream to live with and we had a great time singing and working together in the Music Team.

2003 Another year of work.  All the the same really as the year above with the further reduction of time and space for anything (singing, photography) else.  It was unhealthy, I was unhappy that the fun stuff was being shafted in favour of working. But I still loved work, loved my boss, loved the people around me.  Thankfully my familial and social relationships remained mostly intact.

Nephew number 2 was born and I went home to see him at have Christmas with the family.

2004

Was my rock bottom year of the decade. By Easter my boss whom I’d loved and served like a Labrador for 4.5 years (2 as a volunteer) was exposed as a workplace bully.  It’s a long story, the centering of my world around him was down to his particularly manipulative management strategies and when my eyes were opened to how damaging that was to me and to the rest of the team I was absolutely gutted.  Worse still was that I’d been an unwitting party to his games and perpetuated the problems and manipulation.  It goes to show that some charismatic people can be dangerous.  I cut ties with him and his family for my own safety.

I spent the rest of the year in therapy.  Some of which was blogging… Singular Scene was born!

I remained on staff and by a whole series of fortuitous experiences I ended up working in the IT department as the Web Princess.

Whether or not you belive the Bible, there’s a passage that reads “all things work together for good…: and in spite of the incredible angst in that time, much of what I’d learned of web technology in those Assitant years actually served to be the ground work for what I’m doing now… but that’s another story too.

My Godson was born, his mother’s name is Freddysmamma but his name isn’t Freddy…

Bliss decided to move on… NOOOOO! She went home to Queensland, and I
had 9 weeks at the end of the year with a fella for a flatmate, a very
quirky one, we called him The Count…

2005 Flick moved into the Queenscliff flat with me.  We had lots of fun,
initiated the apartment building christmas barbeque and generally
socialised over champagne and cards! Wow, halfway through the decade.  Nephew number 3 was born, I got home to see him in his early weeks too.  Nephew number 4 came later in the year.

Work carried on with a couple of very different foci. I refused ever again to let work or my boss have that central focus in my life.  As a Christian I decided that such a place was better left for God… Sensible really… shocking I had to learn it in such a traumatic way… I also worked only from 9-5, also sensible but unfortunate that I remained one of the few people in that organisation who ever managed to keep that boundary firmly in place.

I got to go to Hawaii for the annual global conference.  It had been so long since I’d done any kind of decent travel I went with some trepidation… however I LOVED it and got that spark lit to do some more adventuring…

I started the As Scene business this year as a means of supplementing my church income, never thought it would be come my sole means of support later in the decade!!

2006 was the year I embarked on the higher educational path taking up the opportunity to get my existing Adv Dip quals upgraded to Bachelors Degree.  It was an interesting journey, one that lasted that year and into the next where I juggled full time work, part time business and part time study… I thought I was busy then… guess it was good prep for 2009 when life got INSANE…  Still it was an incredible fulfilling year!

It is also the year I became an Australian… (but shhh… don’t remind the Kiwis).

Flick and I went on holiday to see Bliss in Brisbane – highlight of that trip was riding EVERY ride at Dreamworld!!!

The other big events were that my adventuring took me to a wedding in Asheville NC to be bridesmaid for a girl I’d never met. And while that was going on my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and bravely had her ‘girls’ removed as a preventative measure.  (have you had yours checked recently?).

In the last weeks of the year I packed up my seaside flat and moved to Balgowlah.  Still close enough to walk to Manly but no longer any sea views. Instead, I have a garden and I live on my own, which I love!

2007 was my 2nd year of studying and the year that I finally became a cat owner again after 8 years without one.  Chino moved into the house and my heart and between us 2007 was basically pretty uneventful!

Nephew number 5 was born.

2008 – Chino got finished off on the road at Easter, I turned 40 and went home to celebrate my birthday with family. I graduated with my Bachelors’ Degree and the seed was sown for what would become the year of upheaval…

Nephew number 6 was born.

In May I made a home for Princess Lulubelle a rehomed Burmese who had big shoes to fill, and she has done so in her own inimitable way… a very clever puss with loads of personality and she’s wormed her way into my home and heart, and the hearts of a few of my friends who love to come over for cuddles (hers, not mine!)

In August I wrote my leaving speech to wrap up 7 years of working for the church, In December I actually resigned with an offer of a place in the Masters’ Program at Sydney Uni.

And so we come to 2009, and if you’ve been reading along all year you are pretty much up to date with the comings and goings around here…

I think it’s safe to say it was the scariest and most thrilling year of my life to date!!!  It was wonderful to stretch my brain in the gorgeous halls of the University of Sydney, it was challenging to stretch my faith and my mettle to support myself wholly by my little tiny web business!!

To top it all off, I jetted home for Christmas and a visit with nephew number 7 who arrived while I was there!

Thanks to those of you who read along and comment occasionally! I hope the Noughties was as fun and thrilling for you and that the ‘teens’ are even better!

New Year, New Decade, New View

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I’ve filched this quote from Don Miller’s Blog

In a culture where professional ministers are tempted to use
people to build churches, David Gentiles used the church to get to
people.

Don’s context is an obituary for a man who loved and was dearly loved and I don’t want to take anything away from that. David Gentiles sounds like the kind of pastor (and man, for that matter) we all wish we knew.  But in the middle of the celebration David’s life and of Don’s memories of him, this quote spoke volumes to me because it’s what I’ve been saying all year. In a way, while 2009 was primarily all my Masters’ Degree the thing that has had the biggest impact on me personally is all about church. In short, 2009 was the year my thoughts about church underwent fundamental change.

For the last 10 years I’ve loved a church whose focus is ‘Build the Church’ but the biggest paradigm shift that happened for me (and not coincidentally that got sparked by Don’s book ‘Blue Like Jazz’), and the primary reason I now worship somewhere else is because I have been unable to shake the conviction that if we  ‘Build the People’ the church will come rather than the other way around.

If our primary focus is on building the church, on having more numbers, on having more souls saved, the very people we hope to touch become secondary to the institution and we lose sight of the incredible value each member has NOT because they are a member and because they contribute, but because the are valuable to their Maker and by extension should be valuable to us all. 

If we love, people love in return, if the place where they find love and acceptance is the church then they will love the church, if they love the church they will serve. On the contrary if the church expects service, if the love we offer is conditional on what our people do for the church (or how they look, or how old they are, or how clever…. etc. etc. etc.) rather than being unconditional and offered on the basis of  their value to God, then it’s only a question of time before something gives.     

I read Don’s obituary for David and I’m challenged to be the kind of person that David Gentiles was, and I’d never even heard of him before today.  I’m challenged to live in such a way that the people with whom I come into contact leave me feeling as though they’ve been loved, and I’m challenged to be a part of a church that puts people ahead of programs.

You know, the way Jesus did.

2009  was the year I started to see things differently, and it broke my heart in ways I never anticipated. My heart breaks still for those who’ve felt the sting of being discarded because they no longer are considered to fit in the church they were so committed to building. It breaks for those who’ve built themselves out of a position, those who have aged out of one. My heart breaks for those whose memories of their pastor are vastly different than Don’s of David, and it breaks too for those pastors who’ve become so caught up in the vision they’ve lost sight of not only the people who are helping bring it to pass but also lost Jesus’ view of their sheep, their people. 

On the eve of a new year and a of new decade, I still pray “may your kingdom come, may your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” but I can’t help suspecting that the kingdom we’re waiting for probably looks a lot less like our image/skill/talent focused world and that the churches therein look a lot less like our concert halls and stadiums and a lot more like our living rooms and cafes, like darkened doorways, like city parks and shopping malls.

You know, like Jesus saw them.

Situation Normal

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This studying business has been doing my head in… as I write this I ought, in fact, to be completing my last written assignment before I plough into my last assignment all together, a flash project… however, I am, instead, reflecting on the fact I made my first (and may it ever be my last) visit to a neurologist this afternoon.  (Oh, and the beer addled brain probably has something to contribute to my waning enthusiasm for writing a linguistics research proposal as well…

however, where was I?)

Oh, right… the neurologist.

So, a couple of months ago I started to experience some recurring symptoms of pins and needles in my hands and feet.  At first, I blew it off as chiropractic in nature, I mean, I get sciatic tingles now and again when my back is out so it seemed less than far fetched that the genesis of these tingles were any different.  However,  in the back of my mind was some distant recollection from one of those ghastly Hallmark movies or some such book on which they’re based, that tingly hands and feet was a primary sign of MS. Multiple Sclerosis.

Fuck.

(sorry Jesus… but I was thinking it… so I had to write it too).

I survived a few days with the MS thought in my head but decided that I needed to check it out to put my mind at ease so I went to see Dr Cliff whose only reassuring noise was “It could be nothing” and who proceeded to order up a slew of blood tests.

During this time I strictly avoided checking things on the internet for fear that they’d confirm every scary thought I was having and I continued trying to console myself that the statistics against it being anything truly ghastly were strongly in my favour… however, during that week one of my friends was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the ripe old age of 32 so suddenly,  the stats looked a lot less friendly.

Once the bloods were done and dusted (and with remarkably little pain, all due respect to the phlebotomist – (actually, I put that bit there because I only wanted an excuse to write that utterly wonderful word) and the results were back I was pronounced all within normal range and was referred to the neurologist for nerve conduction tests.

Of course, getting in to see a neurologist is not exactly like showing up any old time for a walk in appointment like I do at my medical clinic (yeah, none of this make an appointment business there…) and so I’ve been wondering for about the last 3 weeks as to if, in fact, I was facing a whole new set of life changes… I started some anyway, just in case;

I started eating properly… for I hadn’t been doing so well at that while focusing on the amount of work I had on my plate.

I started sleeping more and turning off the computer earlier in the evening instead of trying to exist on 4 hours sleep or so.

I started taking multi vitamins because I’ve been meaning to for ages and just never got around to it.

I bought health insurance for the very same reasons.

I read my Bible looking for reassurance that I was going to be fine, and I found it, but I still wondered if maybe my friend who is 32 and has bowel cancer had also done the same and found out that he still has cancer. So it was helpful, but it I also was being realistic that it may be something instead of nothing and even if it was something,  God knew about it and he would work it out… everything would be alright… whatever definition of alright that was.

And then the tingles stopped, so I stopped being worried and thought it was all in my head and that, realistically, I am more of a stressed out bunny than I have EVER been before and it was probably stress.

And my friend Daisy said “Oh right, neuropathy” like it was nothing, and I worried a little bit less.

And then I googled peripheral neurpoathy and I read that it could be stress related and I felt a little bit better.  Because, did I mention? I’m stressed… like,  REALLY stressed.

And then, on Wednesday I was down at my local mini mall and had set up all my stuff in my fave corner of my 2nd fave cafe and after working a while I took a break to check my messages and as I did I met an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while so I stopped for a chat.

The chat lasted 45 mins… (those poor guys watching my computer… I bet they were so tempted to mess with my screensaver…) And the conversation was amazing, and if you’re a God person you will know those kind of conversations when it feels like God is there talking and listening too, and  you come away from it feeling like he set it up in the first place.  We ended up talking about my impending visit to the neurologist and she knew all about how I was feeling, because she’d been through EXACTLY the same thing.. and when she gets stressed EXACTLY the same thing happens to her hands and feet.

So I felt a lot better, and for whatever reason, call it intuition, call it God, I just knew what the neurologist was going to tell me today.

He told me I’m normal.  Everything is normal. I even swore when one of the tests made my arm jump 6 inches and scared the crap out of me (and him). 

Totally normal.

I’m glad.  Maybe it is stress, maybe it is something else. But deep down in my guts where I feel like God tells me stuff it all feels normal and I don’t feel like I have to be afraid.

And that can only be good.