Singular Scene

So Singular in Each Particular

Doing Life Beautifully

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I was sent this delightful email recently

—— Forwarded Message
From:Delightful Girl <dg@realjob.org.au>
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:00:50 +1000
To: Deeleea<deeleea@realjob.org.au>
Subject: wonder of wonders
 
Hey Dee,
 
How do you do life so beautifully??
xx
Delightful Girl.

Wow… I have to confess I really don’t feel like I do life beautifully at all… I told her as much too.  But I felt a little bit bad for not giving her some kind of answer… maybe even because doing so is good for me to get a handle on how I do life… I’ll give it to you too.  Just because, well, I can (and it’s good blog fodder given that I’ve been well down on THAT lately…)

Deeleea’s Top Ten for Doing Life (wonderfully or otherwise).

No Regrets, No Excuses.  This is probably the overriding mantra I live by.  As a card carying God-chick it probably ought to be something like love your neighbour… but… let’s say that’s number 2.  This is number one. 

No Regrets is basically about letting the past be just that.  No sense in letting stuff you’ve done get you down.  It’s done, it’s over, move on. 

No excuses is the same, it just says, I blew it, apologises and gets on with it, no monkeying about trying to make myself look better by coming up with an excuse.  I blew it. Sorry. Amen.

Sleep Naked. Ok, I should point out that these are in no particular order, and I aplogise now to anyone who knows me and now has that picture in their head.  However, doing away with pajamas was one of the best things I ever did (which includes having an electric blanket in winter…).  It’s a sensual thing, a I’m ok with this body (or enough to let myself see it) thing, and it’s ever so much more comfortable contending only with sheets than with pajama legs AND sheets, when you’re tossing and turning. (It’s also very important to put pajamas at the top of your packing list when you’re off traveling… Not that I’ve ever had to sleep in my t-shirt and pants at a friend’s place or anything… I’m just saying…)

Let’s move on shall we??

The Race of Life is against Time, not People. I’m choleric by nature, so have a tendency towards being a little bit competitive but I try to keep that to the arena, (oh, and board games are my competition of choice).  This speaks to the business of ‘he who dies with the most toys wins’ and ‘he who climbs over the most people to get to the top also wins.’  Wins what?  Not friends, that’s for sure.

Sort out your Family Relationships. If you’re on your own and all the family you have is not close (however physically distant they are) it’s not good.  I know there are all manner of things that can go wrong, all sorts of shit happens and I’m really not trying to be glib here. Some things can’t be fixed, but please, fix what can be, and if it means forgiving, just do it.  Make peace with your family, it’s the only one you have. (I can say this because I had about 5 years when I didn’t speak to my Dad.  Things are great now, but it’s only because I bit the bullet, forgave and decided to make peace with his new life and his new family.)

Come home to Love of some Kind. Ahem, it’s well documented round these parts that I’m not married, (applications on a postcard please), added to that, I live alone. To do that well I’m highly in favour of single people living alone getting a pet.  I’m a major advocate for cat owning, and by preference of breed – Burmese owning.  But I guess a dog will do in a pinch if  you’re allergic to cats.

Truth be told there really is nothing better to coming home to someone who couldn’t be happier that you’re there (let’s not get into cupboard love references here, ‘k?).  It’s good for the soul, good to be a little bit responsible for someone else’s well being and it keeps your feet warm at night.

Have Great Friends. Single life is hard enough, don’t do it alone.  I could so easily get stuck alone, my nature is introverted (which some people may disagree with having just seen me jump around my office like a loony…) and as such, I recharge my emotional batteries alone.  I love quiet, love space, love being home with the cat.  But you can’t spend your life sequestered from other people, you end up bitter and twisted.  

Ask for Help.  Full.Stop.  This covers all manner of areas such as pride, and its obverse low-self esteem.  None of us are fully equipped to do life alone, not one of us are superior OR inferior to another. You have gifts I don’t have. I’m not so low that I can’t hope/expect that a) we can be friends, and b) you as my friend won’t bail me out of a crisis/illness/baking shortage, neither am I so important that I’m afraid for you to know that I don’t always have all my shit together. (gosh, I’ve said that twice now… see?  Still don’t have it all together…).  I guess this is where the ‘love your neighbour part comes in…)

Live Content Life’s good. Sure! It could be different, I could be a Mum instead of an Auntie, but I’m so thankful for those utterly fabulous niece and nephews.  A life different doesn’t necessarily mean better.  I’m thankful that I have the freedom to do as I please most of the time, to hang with friends, to work late into the night, to sleep on whichever side of the bed I please.  I don’t believe that a life different is necessarily a life better.  Have a great life now so there’s no better or worse, and when things change, and they wil change, there’s only different. 

Don’t Hold Grudges. I mean, really, who does it hurt to stay angry, bitter, to give someone the cold shoulder?  Swear it hurts you worse… Suck it up. Get over it. (Sorry if you hate that.. I realise some personality types really do find it difficult… still… it’s good advice.)

Lock in to God and Throw Away the Key. You’d expect a section like this from me really.  This is the security question.  If your security is in anything other than God you’re bound to be buffeted about in the storms of life more than you need to be.  To quote an famous (in my circles) hymn.  "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.).  Handling the shit (oops. there it is again) that happens is a lot better when your whole life doesn’t rise and fall on a person, a family, your bank balance, the model of car you drive… all these things will fail at some point. God? He.Will.Not.

I could go on, but this is the top ten.  I’ll finish with a couple of quotes that I think are gold.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

That which does not kill you makes you stronger ~ Frederick Neitzsche

 

 

A Question of Faith

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I know you guys don’t keep coming back for the ‘religious’ posts, so I keep them to a minimum.  I try not to work out my faith on the blog, it’s bad enough that you all think I’m a crazy cat lady, let alone a religious zealot…

I guess I’ve been around a few blogs written by Christians, and I have to be honest, some of them are sweet, schmaltzy, ‘pie in the sky when you die’ kinds of blogs.  Guess I’m not that kind of a Christian – or blogger… I also wonder whether they’re genuine or if they’re putting on a brave face for non churchy types.  A kind of ‘throwing out the welcome mat’ or ‘hey, Jesus makes your life brighter’ advertiser.

I’m afraid the whole Jesus thing isn’t actually an innoculation against ‘shit happening’.  Would be nice – it’s also true to say that working for the church isn’t necessarily a sweeter option than working in a secular workplace.  Mate, people are people wherever you go, they do stupid stuff, and they get it wrong both in church and out.  So it begs the question, why believe in all this stuff anyway?  I mean, what difference does it make if people behave no better for it in the end?

That’s a question that makes this post different than my orignal intent actually, but I’ll follow the muse… it’s worth answering, for my own benefit more than yours… so indulge me a little if you will, or flick back to the gratuitious cat photo.

I guess the context of these thoughts has been dissatisfaction at work/church.  I think it’s good to get a bit shook up now and again so you don’t get complacent about where you are and what you’re doing but I have to be honest it feels like crap.  Especially if you’re doing what you’re doing because of some ‘vocation’ or ‘calling’.  If all the material elements of your world are out of whack it causes you to call the spiritual elements in to question…

Further fuel for the muse is that there are a bunch of people in my world who are struggling, in all sorts of areas.  Real Life isn’t matching up to what they want out of it, who they are in it, or how they feel about it.  For some of them I want to shake them and say ‘enough is enough’  stop wallowing – bitter and twisted isn’t amusing or fun or the real you, the one we love…  you have the tools and the people around you and access to help…  sort it out…

For others I wish I could translate just how much of a difference a ‘real-life’ authentic experience of a real-loving, alive and powerful God made in my world and why I think it’s the beginning of the answer for them. 

And so I come full circle to the potential of a sugary schmaltzy post… which is the complete opposite of the God I know.  He’s full fight, balls on the line, down and dirty, dust up kind of a God.  One who’ll wade in full force to a situation when he’s invited, and while he’s that kind of beefy, solid solution he’s motivated by love.  His love is so all consuming that we can barely accept it… because our frailties are so embarrassing by comparison with his awesomeness…  However, he snorts in the face of our frailties.  His love covers all of them and more…

Arrgh… as soon as you say that ‘L’ word there’s schmaltz potential… but that’s what I’m talking about… this is love that puts on the gloves in defence, one that stands his ground, one that will defend our honour, our courage and who doesn’t quail in the face of our own very real weakness.  One who doesn’t see real life and go, "here’s my magic wand, let all the bad stuff disappear"… instead one who says, "I’m sorry, I know this sucks, but here, hold my hand, we’ll go through it together, see that light? See that Hope?  That’s me too… we’ll get there and at the other end you’ll be stronger, better, brighter and braver than you ever thought possible and you’ll be able to lead other people along this same path and help them see that light as well."

So here I am, walking out the other side of a pit,  still not sure about work, still not sure about my church and some of the people in it, still not sure we couldn’t do things SO much better… but sure of the one thing, the one person that I’m doing all this stuff for, the ONE who really matters.

That’s why I bother and it’s also why I am wishing I could translate that certainty so my troubled friends could be that sure, that confident, that peaceful and that hopeful for the present and the future too.

Past Meets Present

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Today I interrupted my time out to go to a funeral.  One where we celebrated the life of one of my work mates who had a very short run in with pancreatic cancer.  As in 16 days from diagnosis to the great beyond.  He was a top bloke, and older man who never wanted to retire and who was a sweet loving accepting person of all those he came into contact with.

He was also the father in law of someone with whom I was compelled to cut ties 4 years ago.

Prior to those 4 years I’d been very close to his family, was no stranger to his home and we were always good for a chat about the footy and a catch up on the grand kids.  But the schism separated more than me and his daughter, it cooled things with him and me too.  And that was another of the tragedies in the whole business.

In recent times we’d been able to manage a brief hello and even a short run down on how the kids were doing.  It was never acrimonious, I think it was just easier for him to be distant.  I understand it, lots of people got hurt and above all he was a family man, no crime there he had to support his kids and I bear no grudge for that.

It’s sad that he’s gone, he was a lovely man, and I’m sad that things went the way they did between me and his family, I’m sad that he went so quickly but pleased, above all, that everyone had time to say goodbye and that the suffering was short, and that he knew where he was going.  His presence will be sorely missed around the traps at work. His cheeky, yet quiet, demeanour was often present in the cafe, his handiwork evident all over the campus.  His absence will be felt for a long time to come.

It was a tough morning. Today I saw from afar the family I’ve stayed away from for so long, saw the kids I missed who’ve grown so much, seen the sister they have who I don’t even know.  Saw their Dad.

I couldn’t bring myself to go and say hello, I left as soon as it was all over, ducking out the back.  It wasn’t appropriate to introduce that added dynamic of that particular reunion to the wake. It wouldn’t have been good for my emotional health.

But I am completely surprised by how tempting it would be go get right back in there boots and all, to pick up ties once again. 

I loved them all so much.

I’ll miss the old bloke.

I miss them more.