I haven’t been sleeping well.

Actually it’s more of an inability to get to sleep that I have been suffering from for about 3 weeks now.

Once I have attained the dormant state all is well, however, to add insult to injury, not being able to rejoin the waking world without extremely loud Merrick and Rosso in the morning and copious amounts of coffee is also of some concern. (Yay, if you’re reading this, any “professional” advice would be greatly appreciated…)

After struggling so long, ashamed to take this problem to a healthcare professional, I believe I might be closing in on a diagnosis.

I have stumbled across little known condition called Cyber Spatial Inquisitivity Apnoea. It’s viral in nature and one infection is quite capable of setting off a whole chain reaction of episodes, leaving our hapless victim with raw red eyes and eye sockets, bad hair, punctuality problems and a tendency to extended bouts of yawning.

Symptoms include a particular look in the eyes, somewhat crazed in the quest for new information, itchy fingers which blindly tap on the table when there is no keyboard to hand (pun intended) and an inability to talk about anything other than the amusing anecdotes from other such crazed individuals who may, or may not, be affected by the same disease.

It’s genesis is innocent enough, a look here a chuckle there, however a victim in the grip of a particularly heavy episode can lose hours and hours of sleep in the frantic grip of curiosity concerning the lives of others as lived out in cyber space.

Sadly, as this disease is very newly discovered and has not made it onto the books of the Centres for Disease Control and as with many other viruses any remedy is completely experimental and could be as hazardous as the condition.

I suspect though that it might have something to do with leaving one’s laptop in the living room rather than taking it to bed …