May 2005 be all you could wish for and much more!!!

2004 is this close to over and I couldn’t be happier… Last year was the most difficult ever.

Really.

I could use this forum to go over the year and reflect but I think it is better just to close the door on it and be glad that it is over and look ahead to 2005.

One of the best things out of “the big thing” for me was to get a real sense in my heart that the deals from last year are a closed book. At the close of our last meeting I felt God say”It’s over”. It was a great relief.

I had an unexpected visit from Bliss who came down for a couple of days. She was in the meeting with me and her great sense for me was that for me 2005 is “New”.

I can feel it.

New…

Actually, I had a little chat to God, and I am hoping that some of the new stuff this year will be a brand new bod… and a brand new man… not necessarily in that order…

“the big thing” is growing on me.

Not because I am any more enamoured of the crowds and the bustle. But because I am more enamoured of the author of it all. The reason for “the big thing” in the first place.

I stood in worship and remembered that regardless of the words if you can capture the “I love you” that the words are all about you are in the right place.

I caught it and was reminded again that I actually do.

Love him I mean.

It was good…

Actually it was very good.

Funny thing to say I guess, when today was a public holiday, but for me the time off doesn’t start till next week.

We had the first night of “our big thing” tonight which is like the Curate’s Thing, but a bit different.

I am thinking I am not really a fan of “big things” as a rule. This is probably largely due to my introverted nature which means 2000 plus crowds suck the very life out of me.

It could be that I’m actually a closet heathen.. I haven’t worked out which yet.

I look at this sea of people with their hands in the air and rapt faces and think there is something wrong with me because I am wishing I could go home… a feeling which comes with it’s own special brand of guilt… and frustration… and questions…. like “Is there something wrong with me?”

There are times when I get a glimpse, when tears well up and I know that God is speaking to me, bearing with me, and better loving on me.

But I can’t turn it on for the crowds…

And actually?

If it’s ok with God?

It’s ok with me.