Singular Scene

“the big thing” is growing on me.

Not because I am any more enamoured of the crowds and the bustle. But because I am more enamoured of the author of it all. The reason for “the big thing” in the first place.

I stood in worship and remembered that regardless of the words if you can capture the “I love you” that the words are all about you are in the right place.

I caught it and was reminded again that I actually do.

Love him I mean.

It was good…

Actually it was very good.

Funny thing to say I guess, when today was a public holiday, but for me the time off doesn’t start till next week.

We had the first night of “our big thing” tonight which is like the Curate’s Thing, but a bit different.

I am thinking I am not really a fan of “big things” as a rule. This is probably largely due to my introverted nature which means 2000 plus crowds suck the very life out of me.

It could be that I’m actually a closet heathen.. I haven’t worked out which yet.

I look at this sea of people with their hands in the air and rapt faces and think there is something wrong with me because I am wishing I could go home… a feeling which comes with it’s own special brand of guilt… and frustration… and questions…. like “Is there something wrong with me?”

There are times when I get a glimpse, when tears well up and I know that God is speaking to me, bearing with me, and better loving on me.

But I can’t turn it on for the crowds…

And actually?

If it’s ok with God?

It’s ok with me.

(It – was not the title I had in mind… something more festive was in order…

But didn’t happen.

I have no reason why it didnt…)