Singular Scene

This studying business has been doing my head in… as I write this I ought, in fact, to be completing my last written assignment before I plough into my last assignment all together, a flash project… however, I am, instead, reflecting on the fact I made my first (and may it ever be my last) visit to a neurologist this afternoon.  (Oh, and the beer addled brain probably has something to contribute to my waning enthusiasm for writing a linguistics research proposal as well…

however, where was I?)

Oh, right… the neurologist.

So, a couple of months ago I started to experience some recurring symptoms of pins and needles in my hands and feet.  At first, I blew it off as chiropractic in nature, I mean, I get sciatic tingles now and again when my back is out so it seemed less than far fetched that the genesis of these tingles were any different.  However,  in the back of my mind was some distant recollection from one of those ghastly Hallmark movies or some such book on which they’re based, that tingly hands and feet was a primary sign of MS. Multiple Sclerosis.

Fuck.

(sorry Jesus… but I was thinking it… so I had to write it too).

I survived a few days with the MS thought in my head but decided that I needed to check it out to put my mind at ease so I went to see Dr Cliff whose only reassuring noise was “It could be nothing” and who proceeded to order up a slew of blood tests.

During this time I strictly avoided checking things on the internet for fear that they’d confirm every scary thought I was having and I continued trying to console myself that the statistics against it being anything truly ghastly were strongly in my favour… however, during that week one of my friends was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the ripe old age of 32 so suddenly,  the stats looked a lot less friendly.

Once the bloods were done and dusted (and with remarkably little pain, all due respect to the phlebotomist – (actually, I put that bit there because I only wanted an excuse to write that utterly wonderful word) and the results were back I was pronounced all within normal range and was referred to the neurologist for nerve conduction tests.

Of course, getting in to see a neurologist is not exactly like showing up any old time for a walk in appointment like I do at my medical clinic (yeah, none of this make an appointment business there…) and so I’ve been wondering for about the last 3 weeks as to if, in fact, I was facing a whole new set of life changes… I started some anyway, just in case;

I started eating properly… for I hadn’t been doing so well at that while focusing on the amount of work I had on my plate.

I started sleeping more and turning off the computer earlier in the evening instead of trying to exist on 4 hours sleep or so.

I started taking multi vitamins because I’ve been meaning to for ages and just never got around to it.

I bought health insurance for the very same reasons.

I read my Bible looking for reassurance that I was going to be fine, and I found it, but I still wondered if maybe my friend who is 32 and has bowel cancer had also done the same and found out that he still has cancer. So it was helpful, but it I also was being realistic that it may be something instead of nothing and even if it was something,  God knew about it and he would work it out… everything would be alright… whatever definition of alright that was.

And then the tingles stopped, so I stopped being worried and thought it was all in my head and that, realistically, I am more of a stressed out bunny than I have EVER been before and it was probably stress.

And my friend Daisy said “Oh right, neuropathy” like it was nothing, and I worried a little bit less.

And then I googled peripheral neurpoathy and I read that it could be stress related and I felt a little bit better.  Because, did I mention? I’m stressed… like,  REALLY stressed.

And then, on Wednesday I was down at my local mini mall and had set up all my stuff in my fave corner of my 2nd fave cafe and after working a while I took a break to check my messages and as I did I met an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while so I stopped for a chat.

The chat lasted 45 mins… (those poor guys watching my computer… I bet they were so tempted to mess with my screensaver…) And the conversation was amazing, and if you’re a God person you will know those kind of conversations when it feels like God is there talking and listening too, and  you come away from it feeling like he set it up in the first place.  We ended up talking about my impending visit to the neurologist and she knew all about how I was feeling, because she’d been through EXACTLY the same thing.. and when she gets stressed EXACTLY the same thing happens to her hands and feet.

So I felt a lot better, and for whatever reason, call it intuition, call it God, I just knew what the neurologist was going to tell me today.

He told me I’m normal.  Everything is normal. I even swore when one of the tests made my arm jump 6 inches and scared the crap out of me (and him). 

Totally normal.

I’m glad.  Maybe it is stress, maybe it is something else. But deep down in my guts where I feel like God tells me stuff it all feels normal and I don’t feel like I have to be afraid.

And that can only be good.