There’s a line in the movie “Something’s Gotta Give” which goes something like this
Marin (Amanda Peet): … “I’m just not cut out for this kind of drama. “
Erica (Dianne Keaton): “I think it’s the drama in life that makes you strong.”
The context of the quote is Erica is falling apart because a relationship has ended and Marin, who can’t bear the emotional upheaval of that kind of situation, is outlining her reasons for avoiding any sort of relationship that leaves you in that kind of state.
I know how she feels and I wonder if part of the reason there are so many single girls in my acquaintance is that we make that choice to withold and actually withdraw from emotional interaction unless we know it’s safe from hurt.
But really… is it ever safe? Even those relationships that one expects to be the safest rarely are. Family relationships change, pets are not around forever. The truth is, however much we try and avoid it, whether we like it or not, emotional upheaval is a part of life.
I hate that, because I have a tendency to think like Marin. Safest is easiest, I mean, I haven’t even watched the movie ‘Titanic’ from beginning to end… I can’t bear getting that involved with the characters because I know how the movie ends.
So, here I am 36 years old, never having had a really intimate, long term relationship and I can’t help wondering if those sentiments have influenced my relationship life. It is easy to say, “I just don’t think the right guy has come along…” but the fact is, would I have recognized him? Could he have been any number of the guys I have met and discarded at first sight because it was safer not to get involved?
Does my internal thought about relationships create an atmosphere of unavailability around me? I know a heap of guys who are awesome and single and while a lot of what I hear around the place is that they are useless and don’t bother to ask the amazing single girls around here out I have to ask myself, if I was coming across as a little less distant would they would change their tune?… I mean, it’s a two way street right?
So that’s what some of this year has been about… making a decision to take a risk… So, when someone asks I’m going to say YES* even if at first sight I might have thought NO…
At least I’ll be getting out more …
*axe wielding maniacs excepted, of course
Tractor Girl says
Um… you’re onto an interesting one. I know it’s important to be prepared to take risks, but as you say do you need the right attitude to be in the position to take the risk in the first place?
I do think it’s better to risk than to regret, but it’s only really safe to do that when you are happy with who you are.
Remember the banner you put up the other day about being single and ok – it said alot. However, it can be equally ok to not be single.
I think what you wrote is very true of a lot of people. I feel very much for me that I need to take more risks – of course taking the risk to love increases the risk of getting hurt, bereavement almost, but I guess it’s a case (without wanting to sound cheesy) that the experience of love, even if it goes pear-shaped and isn’t "forever", is an enriching and empowering and wonderful experience which makes life more worth living. I had this conversation recently with a very good friend, who keeps telling me I need to "guard my heart". Which is true, but the alternative to taking risks as far as I can tell is living like another friend of ours, who is in his late 40s, is still waiting for a woman to be handed to him on a plate, and is doing absolutely nothing to meet anyone. Each to their own, but the more I think about it the more I know that’s not what I want for my life. Just my 2p, but I think, for me at any rate, that taking risks is key to who I am and where I’m going.
Please be careful with the axe murderers though – there’s risks and there’s risks :D
Jack had a feeling that you and she and I were three of a kind, and the more I read your blog, the more I realise she’s right.
I was single for a long time, but just when I started to:
a) like myself and
b) like being single
the Big Fella came along. I took a risk and, luckily for me, it paid off big time.
So, I recommend taking a risk, if your instinct tells you to. Go for it!
TC, I meant cart…
Miss Lisa says
Absolutely! – except if you have my problem – a complete inability to notice that a man is attracted to me … therefore ignoring the obvious signs and being COMPLETELY unawares of the less obvious signs – until much later when the lightbulb goes on …. and then it’s too late! BUGGER
oh, and use my new mantra "RESPOND, don’t REACT" when asked on a date … remember the "WILL" episode!!!!