Hard to know what to post today without being rather reflective. But am going to post anyway…
I have come face to face with the end of my capabilities and am in that awkward place where one has to say to God “ok, you take it from here”
I am not comfortable with that place.
Nope
Not at all.
Not even a little bit…
I am way too capable for my own good most of the time and tend to manage very well on my own. But now I am in a job I can’t do with my eyes closed …
Now I am living with a guy who has no idea about living with other people… He hasn’t said 2 words to me today, and we work AND live together… I know it’s just his way but trying to share my living space with someone so self contained is like living with the invisible man. You can tell that he is there, you can feel his presence, but you can’t connect with him.
Not my ideal way to live really…
A bit lonely even.
Then, I go to church on Sunday evening, not because I really feel like it but because my soul feels COMPELLED to go and it was awesome in a “God is on my case” kind of way. Which is also totally terrifying to a capable sort of girl.
I’m aware that to go ahead I have to come to the end of me or else I will be stuck right here the same as I ever was, and I know there is more to me than that… But to go ahead is to leave myself in the hands of God and that is where the capable control freak freaks right on out of here…
Hugs and prayers.
Re the Count’s silence: remember a lot of us men aren’t the most talkative of creatures (I being an exception, though when I get home I often want a bit of peace and quiet — but nice to hear an update where he was given the gift of speech. ;-))
I’m with you Jack – am perfectly fine with my abilities (and non-abilities) in dealing with the everyday – and pretty happy that God is looking after the rest in usual paradoxically spectacular/invisible fashion – BUT have occasional yearnings for big thunderbolt / shove in back / words of fire across eyeballs …. sigh
Hmmmm. *deep thought brewing*
I think I may have the opposite problem. I know what you mean about liking to be in control, but for me I’d love it if I felt God had more of a handle on things. Not that I don’t think he’s not in control, I do, I just feel sometimes like he’s a bit more hands-off than I’d like. If that makes any sense.
Virtual hug winging its way over the ocean. Know exactly what that one’s like, and there’s no easy way round it. Still He never said Christianity would be the easy option.
I know that place, and can sympathise. My inner control freak doesn’t like handing it all over to Him Upstairs either.
Love, thoughts, and prayers,
alicex