Well, after that little outburst, and possibly as a result of the 2 glasses of wine and one Heineken, I have taken the bull by the horns and done something that has the potential to generate more change than the circumstances outlined in yesterday’s post…
I sent Tez the post … which while it is not a link to this site, could be considered keys to the Singular Scene kingdom if he were so untrustworthy as to try a few google searches out…
Anyway, once he has read my email at work on Monday he will be in full possession of the facts concerning the squishy feelings. (Actually not the full facts… more like a passing reference to them.)
There… the brave part.
The circumstances surrounding actually filling him in are the increasing depth of our conversation over the last months and the rampant honesty that pervades it; something I see or experience so rarely that it is rather precious.
I decided that life is too short to continue with the BS.
Risky? Sure… I have palpitations.
Now, you have to understand I sent the email with no expectations – and I made that clear in the sending. I know Tez well enough to understand that if he were interested he would have had no scruples about asking. So I didn’t tell him because I expect flowers on Valentines day and a date for the prom. (Or a pash on the doorstep next time he arrives (which is what Surf’s advice to me has been consistently over the last year.))
I guess if he is bravely and sneakily reading this blog he will come across the fact that the “scarcely acknowledged” portion of the squishy reference is seriously underexaggerated. And you know what? I don’t mind… I’m unashamed of how I’ve felt on and off for 5 years. I’m big enough and fabulous enough not to be crushed by the fact that he doesn’t reciprocate and I am thrilled for him to know that someone as fabulous as me thinks he is the same.