To get the skinny on this post you need to be reminded about this one… and its sequel this one.
So having filled in the background, picture this little scene at the doctor’s surgery today. ( I was there to dispense with my bubbling ears).
Dr:What seems to be the trouble? (ok, so it wasn’t that cliched… I think he just said hello and waited for me to do all the talking…
Dee:I have bubbly ears.
Dr:(looking down his ear inspector gadget) Have you had a cold?
Dr: Yes, I see, there’s no infection etc, just get some decongestants.
At this point I was miffed because Flick was right after all… I should have been taking over the counter drugs instead of waiting for it to get better. I’m a bit in that camp where if I feel fine and all a drug is going to do is actually mask symptons I might as well just get on with getting better without the expense. Of course it’s considered selfish because she has to put up with my snivelling dealings with the mucous. (ok, fair point)
Dee: So Dr, while we’re here I have this outstanding referral for a [deep breath] mammogram that the radiology people won’t honour until it has the correct referral information on it.
[As an aside, sorry that I broke my promise to you world wide web… I really did mean to book it in a lot sooner than this, I just couldn’t face a visit to the Dr to do it]
Dr: Right, what’s the family history again?
Dee: 2 dead relatives.
Dr: Of course [and he ticks the relevent boxes], actually you’d be better off with an ultrasound. At your age a mammogram isn’t going to show anything (the perks of still firm boosies due to not being 40 yet). Is that ok?
[Is that ok I ask myself? No boob sandwich… Ok? It’s effing Christmas…]
Dr: Right, and how up to date are you with your Pap smears [Dee crosses legs]
Dee: Actually I’ve never had one.
Dr:[looks up] Really?
Dee: Yes, I’ve been advised that as I’m not s*xually active, nor have I ever been, apparently it isn’t required.
Dr: Yes, it’s all the man’s fault [gives me a knowing smile].
Dee: Yes, they’re trouble those men [smiles and leaves the office]
The reason I know he thinks I’m a dyke is becuase the last time I had this conversation with a Dr I was 25 and his reaction to my ‘nor have I ever been’ statement was total embarassment at having assumed I was out bonking like the rest of the world.
I guess the intervening years have changed all manner of perceptions and assumptions.
Love the ticker at the top – I too have one, but for a slightly different reason, hmmm, Has something like 125 days to go on it… congrats on your lost kg – I found it!!! Would you like it back??? xxx
Hi Deelea! Completely off topic, but have you seen a blog called Trivial Pursuit, by a Brit called Caroline, living in NZ? She’s HILARIOUS and here’s the link to her glossary of Kiwi terms translated into British. I HIGHLY recommend it! (http://www.morphess.org/archives/kiwinese.shtml)
Tractor Girl says
Then there is the question they tend to ask about "are you sure you’re not pregnant" and the look of "how can you be so sure?" when you say no, which makes you almost apologetically tell them you’re not getting any.
no worries dee, i know how you feel also.
these doctor people do seem to find it a little hard to believe that you can get past 20 without ever having had s*x.
my usual strategy is just to avoid going to the doctors altogether, which makes everyone much happier. =)
Thank God I’m a man!
Miss Lisa says
ooo, blarg, urg … have yet to have the joy of that conversation! … though I think I may possible say something blunt to the doctor, along the lines of ‘have you never had a real beliving faithful Christian single woman in your office before?’ … but then I’m probably just nasty … and a bit jealous :) … still, the bazoonga sandwich I could go a long way to avoid!
Am I the only one for whom the regular "you’re due a smear test" "no, because I’m not s*xually active" conversation always seems to boil down to "so, have you had s*x since I saw you last?" :blush: