I know… sorry boys, you’re never sure what you’re going to get when you show up here… if it’s not boob stories it’s [ahem] eMOtional blog posts…
Happily, PMS is actually over… but my word… Thursday? I could have cried at the drop of a proverbial hat… Every Billy Joel song I listened to would make me mist up… Good Grief. I’d expect to mist over at Eva Cassidy… but Billy Joel? I need help.
Anyway… a client of mine walked right into the PMS minefield. HA. Bet he’s sorry now…
This is how it went…
[cue birds singing cheerily outside, a clock ticks gracefully on the mantle…]
Computer: “You’ve got Mail!” and then I read; “Hi Dee, here’s a few more bits and bobs to do on so and so’s site. We’ve a couple more things to send through, will do that early next week yada yada. etc. etc.”
[to which I replied]. Thanks, just checking, this is at my usual [rather lovely] hourly rate?
Computer: Ah, actually, I think that the client can ask for whatever little bits and bobs he needs to have done to finish the site, we’re not charging him any more… do you really think you should?”
At this point I’d like to point out that I’m talking here to a middle man, between the client who paid them for the site and me, who actually did the work at a ridiculous rate. In fact, I’ve done somewhat above the 8 hours work originally paid for. The initial job was to develop a pre-prepared design to a working site. No added extras… Actually, as they have a staff member well versed in Contribute and static site maintenance I was unprepared for them to ask me to do the content… A lesson to oneself in getting a written agreement on what gets done for the quoted price… And to date there have been rather a lot of added extras, and this last email which listed 22 final touch ups is the second email of ‘final touch-ups’. (Just in case you thought I was being unreasonable…).
I sent him a bit of a stinger email. Not something I’ve been used to doing, partly fuelled by a long history of this kind of heel digging on his part and a hearty dose of PMS…
I think the best part about it is that I’m no longer a slave to the need to keep the peace. I know my worth in this area, I don’t have an emotional investment in this relationship that I have to balance so I can speak my mind and stand my ground without fear. And if I’m perfectly honest? Sometimes it feels a little bit good to stand up and say ‘Up Yours!’
PMS or no PMS.
A Brain Dump about Blogging and Heart Palpitations
I don’t know if you’ve met Yay. You should, her blog’s a riot. She’s a pharmacist but has returned to uni to upgrade to doctor status. Anyway, I just thought I’d give her a plug… seeing as I could have used a medico today… I nearly died.
[pause]
Here’s the bit where I either launch into a description of my hospital room or…
Confess that I was not being literal.
Which I wasn’t.
Actually, I nearly had a heart attack (ok, more like heart palpitations) because for NEARLY ALL OF THE DAY I couldn’t blog.
I know, totally life threatening. Which isn’t to say that I normally blog on a daily basis – but Not To Be Able To is abominable.
ANYway the short story is that my webhost had a hard drive die on them and while I was terribly long suffering and patient I nearly ate my nails to the quick on behalf of my hosting client who being also hosted on THAT server and who had no email all day…
Happily, at 8.30pm calm and order was restored and I backed up my blog, called the client to reassure them that it will be business as usual and did a quick check of the knickers drawer to make sure everything was in its place.
It was.
Which causes me to mention that as I’ve been launched into the world of podcasting of late, on account of The Boss, and now that I understand about RSS and stuff I’ve hooked up with Bloglines.
And quite frankly it is my New Best Friend (it’s ok Kirk, I do still luff you)!!! because on it I can see who has posted virtually the minute they do. (though Greavsie usually manages to have munificent comments by the time the feed updates… I don’t know what sort of blog ‘roids he’s on…)
[Ed. bollocks… who just commented first at Greavsie’s then???] [ahem … it was a fluke]
[ — resume posting]
Furthermore as I’m a little disturbed about how big a space blogs/blogging is taking up in my world at the moment (pauses to recollect that I also have to study (let alone to remember to go to lectures…2/7 so far), complete the projects I’m working on for my business, and actually hold down a full time job…) it is timely to discover the tool that is going to help me get back on track.
That being said, I could go on hiatus, which is apparently quite a blogfashionable thing to do.
[Ed. as if].
[thinking… thinking…]
Nah… I’ll stick with the feed aggregator as a means to manage things better… Now I just have to remember to only look at it 1x a day…
[ma’am… take your hands off the keyboard and step aWay from the computer…]
The Cumulative Effect
I write cautiously lest anyone a’reading feels bad that they had caused my grief… Tis naught but the cummulative effect.
The cummulative effect of time getting away from me and a web host who I’d like to give a good bitch slapping to… (btw what IS a bitch slapping? I use the word because it suits my mood, but basically I’d be up for any kind of good hard slapping…) (for the host … not me you naughty people…)
Anyway, the cummulative effect has seen me shed some tears this week, in fact it seems to me that the last few days tears have been always just under the suface ready to leap to the fore at the slightest prick of frustration, sorrow, disappointment or remorse.
I cried when Mañana left work to do something new. She’s the 4th of the sterling mob to have left in recent months and it’s a bitch to go to work without them there in the office.
I cried in worship at the leader’s meeting this evening. I usually cry when God’s around. I can, in my mind’s eye, see myself walking up to him, head down as usual because I’m such a wicked girl, and just walk straight into his shoulder, no hello or how do y’do. I walk straight into a bear hug of course, and holds me like he’ll never let go. Thank God there’s no bitch slapping from him, regardless of how I might feel I deserve it.
I’m teary now as I think about these things.
It’s the cummulative effect of the long list of things to do. Study, business and full time work. I’m on the verge of ‘something’s gotta give’ and I’m afraid the the give is in a decision to launch out and lose a day a week at the office so I can concentrate on the other two.
That would be a leap of faith.
Which is excacty where [the] Good Lord* likes to have me live. I haven’t lived there for a while.. the student days were a knife edge of faith for my finances… since the beginning of the business the cashflow is so improved that I haven’t had to worry there… of course there’s the cummulative effect of the last few weeks which have been a bit tight while I wait for invoices to come in but the cash is on the way… so it isn’t really faith…
It’s the cummulative effect of ceasing to pretend…
That I actually have it all together.
That my family is anything less than dysfunctional
That my weight isn’t an issue
That my singleness doesn’t grieve me when I just want to have someone share the load.
It’s the cummulative effect of change.
And let’s face it, change is the only constant in any life.
So I’m a walking accumulation… and tomorrow, I’ll sit with PIA, look at photos and probably shed some more tears but it will be worth it just to hang out with the head of the D-squad… my no 1 fan, my cheer squad – everyone needs someone like that when they’re fragile.
And actually I fully expect that tomorrow the the bloody web host will have fixed my permissions issues and will finally be clearing the way for Trivial Pursuit to go back online.
*Caro, I’m afraid that this is now God’s new name at Singular Scene – the [the] is there to differentiate between my Good Lord and yours…
Still laughing about him … (through the tears…)
D
100 Things
- I am the daughter of two…
- sister of 3 (all younger)…
- …auntie of 5…4 of them boys(!)…
- stepdaughter of one…
- sister-in-law of 3…
- step-sister of two…
- …wife and mother of none (sniff…).
- I grew up on a farm, a real live cow farming farm
- and had lambs and calves as pets.
- I prefer cats to dogs but would prefer either of them over fish…
- but with fish I have to make do … my landlord doesn’t believe in pets with fur.
- I spent the majority of my life in organised religion (mainstream Christianity) but I struggle to use that label to apply to myself these days.
- but an All Blacks supporter by religion.
- Which belies my nationality.
- I am a naturalised Australian as well, because everyone knows that two nationalities are better than one…
- …and so I can vote – I’m socially responsible like that.
- I get chiropractic – I have a very crunchy back and neck.
- I live in an apartment I bought with my very own money…
- …with a spare ‘oom, come visit.
- I’ve lived in Auckland, Sydney, Melboourne, London and Washington DC at different times in my life.
- But I call Australia home when I’m in NZ…
- …and NZ home when I’m in Australia. Trippy… I know – it’s the expatriates condition.
- I was born in the ’60’s but I don’t remember them.
- I was born in April which makes me an Aries – but I think horoscopes are rubbish.
- I am a singer… for fun not for profit, though I have an advanced diploma as a singing major… I’m pretty good at it actually, but I get well scared of singing solos.
- My favourite perfume is Coco Mademoiselle – but that could change at any time.
- I worked full time for a church. That was a time I don’t regret, but which I cringe about now
- I work as a project manager or delivery lead of biiiig web projects..
- … but I prefer the term Web Princess…
- …I loved to tweak html and mess with code – that makes me a bit of a tech head or geek… but I got unstuck when Javascript became mainstream.
- I’ve travelled Europe and the Continental US…
- … and hardly travelled Australia…
- …or New Zealand, for that matter.
- I speak high school French and would love to get fluent.
- I have been blogging for everrrr
- I was supposed to write 50,000 words in the month of November… but only got to 10,000.
- I take photos for fun.
- … now that I have a digital camera.
- My laptop was a gift to me from a great friend… I love it all the more because of that…
- but myD100 (Nikon) is ‘my Precious’…and my iPod is now my ‘semiPrecious’
- I have played MYST 1, 2 3, and 4 and I’m waiting on the price of 5 to come down on ebay.
- I love ebay.
- I have a really messy bedroom most of the time.
- I put that down to my inherently creative nature.
- I blame that too for the fact I HATE listening to people eat… I’m espescially sensitive to noise…
- …my shrink calls it skinlessness…
- …apparently creative people have heightened senses – that makes it sound like a good excuse to me.
- I drink Coronas with lime…or gin and tonic (or gins and tonic)…
- or red wine actually…
- …and if I had to pick a last meal it would be Roast NZ lamb with mint jelly and kumara and all the trimmings…
- … with cheesecake to follow.
- …all washed down with a Barossa Shiraz.
- I’m comfortably upholstered…
- …and waiting for will power to be bestowed on me from above to reduce the depth of the upholstery…
- … it does occasionally but never lasts for long.
- I regularly have trouble sleeping.
- Mostly due to excess computer use.
- I listen to jazz and I love it.
- I listen to occasional gospel music and love that too.
- I used to go to sleep listening to my Dad playing his guitar.
- He still plays the same songs and they make me smile still.
- I’m an excellent aunty…
- …I’d be a great mother too, but I make do with babysitting just to keep in touch with children…
- …ok, so the cash doesn’t hurt.
- I love apartment living.
- I have long hair, but didn’t grow it that way until my 20’s. (Mother preferred it short.)
- I left home at 19, NZ (for the 1st time) at 20 and stayed away for 3 years.
- It was the best thing I ever did. It meant I missed the worst of the parental marriage breakdown…
- …but coming home to 2 households was a bust…
- …It’s taken 10 years for it to be ok.
- My paternal grandmother is 98 and still looks after herself in her own home.
- I’m not sure if I want her genes or not… I guess it’s better than my maternal grandmother’s record. She died when my mother was 3…
- …she died of breast cancer…
- …she might have lived longer if she’d chosen to have treatment…
- …but she didn’t. She chose my unborn mother.
- I am most proud of [old fashioned] my middle name, because I share it with my mother and her.
- I only wear pajamas when I’m going to sleep at someone else’s house. And sometimes I even forget to take them with me…
- I only wear my hair up on days I need to wash it.
- I walk for exercise. But clearly not enough..
- I have been a smoker. But have been clean for 10 years…
- …sometimes I still miss it.
- …and so I have one… it totally grosses me out.
- I have had my writings published in a national magazine and an international e-magazine.
- I kill plants unless they are cacti and don’t need watering above once a fortnight.
- I love all things French… thus, I am a francophile…
- … I often wish I lived there.
- I love sailboats. One of my warmest memories is sailing in the Greek Islands.
- …part of the warmth of the memory was kissing the ship’s captain (who was old enough to be my father…*blushes*)
- I prefer staying in to going out.
- Too many people in one place makes me exhausted…
- …but I actually don’t mind meeting new people and I know how to have good conversation!
- I had to sit my driving licence 3 times before I passed.
- My first car was a 1965 Riley Elf. It was green though.
- I am still bummed I sold it (for a profit too).
- These days I drive a Toyota (practical but boring).
- I don’t tell anyone that I love Teddy Bears still (but only keep 2 on my bed).
- I love to meet up with people I’ve met online. I have such a broad range of friends I would never have met otherwise.
- I could never be a vegetarian.
- It has taken me a week to come up with this list.
- Now you know more about me that most of my family!