Singular Scene

So Singular in Each Particular

A Funny thing Happened on the Way to a Meeting

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There are things that happen that in life are so out of the ‘norm’ that you really have to document them before they disappear into the vortex that is your past; ephemeral and on the edge of your memory, almost as if they were way to weird to have been true.  This has been one of those moments…

I flew from Melbourne to Sydney on Wednesday. It was uneventful at that time, but I should already have been in New South Wales that day, having had my flight cancelled the evening before due to unseasonable (and frankly, unreasonable) fog.  Given that I was meant to be in a meeting at 10am and didn’t actually touch down in Sydney till 12.30 I ended up with a couple of hours to kill before the rescheduled meeting could occur at 2.30. (There’s the context, it’s probably too much detail really, but to perserve my memory, there it is.)

I went to Starbucks to wait. (I KNOW, sorry, it really was awful, the coffee is ghastly, and I still can’t believe there were as many people in there as there were.  But hey, free wifi.)

So, I unpacked the laptop for half an hour to get a bit of prep done for the meeting and as I worked, was generally in my own little world as I usually am when I’m head down over the computer. (Stay with me, it’s about to get good).

When I was done with what I needed to do, I started to pack up my kit ready to head around the corner to my meeting and as I did, I was approached from the left by a not unattractive guy who said, “I just had to stop and tell you, you’re stunning!”

My internal reaction was… “Is he trying to distract me, do I now need to go and change all my passwords, is he standing here cloning my laptop, is my wallet safe, did I log into anything that needs protecting while I was on open wifi?” and so on.  What I did, of course, so as not to appear rude, and so as to ‘live in the moment’, was reach out my hand to shake his and say, “Hi, I’m Dee, nice to meet you.”

We chatted a bit, and while I wasn’t in a big hurry I was mindful of time, so he asked where I was off to. I told him, and before we moved away he wrote down his number for me on a discarded receipt. I, again in the moment, wrote down my web site’s address so he could find me if he wished.

As I moved away, he asked if he could walk me to where I was going, I assented, and we chatted  companionably along the way, and when we got near my destination, we said goodbye and he going one way while I the other, I walked up the street to the office rather bemused by what had just occurred.

I conducted my meeting, travelled across town to my destination for the evening, stopped to catch up with my host and have a good laugh about the events of the day, and then checked my email to find that he’d reached out through my website to connect almost as soon has he’d got back to the office!

The events of the next couple of days unfolded slowly, I have had the busiest time on this trip, going from north to south and back again across Sydney, (if you’ve spent ANY time here at all you’ll know that doing so is never a straightforward thing), and in the end when we did try to co-ordinate a meeting, the planets and our timetables just didn’t align.  The scheduling discussion then devolved into a long and completely flattering text conversation that left me feeling both delighted, if a little sceptical.

In the days since there’s been no ensuing contact, just in case you were wondering if this was going to turn into a scene from one of those hopelessly romantic movies.  I am now back in Victoria with a cracking story and a saucy text conversation to look back on to remind me that such things actually can happen from time to time.

The whole situation got me to thinking about what exactly IS the norm?  This brief exchange has certainly been outside my norms. Having spent so many years inside a culture where such a thing never occurs it’s been a refreshing experience.  But I’m curious to hear from my readers, particularly those who don’t live in an insulated (i.e. religious) culture; if you have one, what’s your outrageous pickup story? And, for those of us playing along at home, how did it end?

Safety’s just Danger Out of Place.

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Living a singular life has its benefits and it has its drawbacks, just the same I’m sure, as a co-operative one.

When you’re single you can look at look at other people’s relationships and you tell yourself just how lucky you are that life is so uncomplicated because you really are only responsible for yourself. Life is manageable on your own, avoiding the complexities of intimate relationships is part of a whole long list of strategies you have in your toolkit to manage doing life alone and staying [mostly] sane.*

But I’m pretty sure we weren’t made to be alone, just look around you – all our favourite movies are about connection. I split my sides over Crazy, Stupid, Love on the weekend. It’s an absolute cracker that tells the truth about the complications of relationships (and a half naked Ryan Gosling only adds to the movie’s appeal) … But even the unromantic movies are all about relationships… about people’s connections to each other…

And yet, here I am 44 and going home to a cat, not a lover and so I have organised my life to make it work. I have an incredible community of people around me who never make me feel as though I’m alone, nor am I ever made to feel like I’m any less given that I’m single while the larger group of them are married. I have the cat so the house isn’t empty, and I spent time and money traveling to be with the people who love me the most, my family, whose relationships are crazy complicated and part of the reason I have no cause to regret being on my own…

But I’ve been life solo a long time that when the prospect of changing things arises I’m caught on a knife edge… Safety or Danger? Do I take the leap into complications or do I retreat, keeping things on the level, minimize risk and stay with the status quo?

Who am I kidding?

I’d trade my singular status in a heartbeat which isn’t something I  usually freely admit, even to myself.

I’ve told people that I’m happy, and comfortable, and acutely aware of just how complicated life could be if I let myself go there – and it’s completely true. But it is equally true that I don’t want to do this on my own forever. Yes, in a way, life may well be less complicated now and could get more complicated if I was having to account for someone else in my world.

But given the choice between safety and danger?

F*ck it, I’d choose living dangerously… it’s how you know you’re alive.

 

*and of course, by you, I meant I…

A Strong Case for Inbox Zero

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Him: “Howdy howdy….what the????…

I had posted the opener above and the rest of his email here late last night and thought better of it; he hasn’t given permission for me to quote it, and while he knows about the blog he hasn’t found it yet. I’d hate for the airing of his reply to me to be a cause for his alarm some time in the future. Sorry to those who saw the post go up and didn’t get to read it!

It turns out that he’d skipped past my email in his inbox and had been assuming I’d been done in by the 25hours of ‘therapy’* I’d had last weekend! Me? Overwhelmed by 2 small children… *snort*.

Still, in the spirit of charity and the fact that I do enjoy our correspondence I shall do as Farli suggests and give him the benefit of the doubt… more tales to follow, no doubt, because, in the spirit of open communication I asked him what he’d been thinking all week and when/if he was planning to ask me what had happened…

Oh, and boys, if you’re reading this, and you get an email like the one I sent yesterday, score some big, big points by copping to option three regardless of whether you believe it or not…

Just Sayin’

*therapy is how I refer to the nanny job I do once a week. My little pocket of sanity in a code crazy world.

A Graceful Turning of the Page

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I couldn’t help myself, the lack of closure over ‘Gutless Wonder’ was sticking in my craw so I emailed him the following.

“So, opinion is divided. Half my friends are concerned for your welfare. Worried that perhaps you were dragged under a bus or unexpectedly dismembered and unable to send email due to not being able yet to type with your toes.

Others are less charitable and mortified that the cessation of correspondence so abruptly is due to
a demonstration of appalling manners. Particularly when a simple note of thanks and best wishes closes the book neatly and tidily without offense.

I, however, am of a third opinion and that is that my sparkling wit, substantial intelligence and obvious hotness all just became a bit overwhelming. That’s ok, it happens all time. It is the cross I have to bear.

Whichever scenario fits (though, of course, hopefully it isn’t the first) I enjoyed our correspondence and wish you all the best.

Dee”

NOW it’s finished for me. And boys and girls dating in cyberspace – let this be a lesson to you in clear and honest communication.

That is All.