Even as I write I feel somewhat surprised at the events of last evening…

To tell the story in full I have to start in the afternoon.

You may remember that the Count is a work colleague, an accountant. He walked past my desk yesterday and asked me if I was going to be home in the evening. I choked down my mouthful of coffee and replied (stunned) in the affirmative.

You have to understand, this is a first, he has NEVER asked before, so of course, I need to understand the circumstances of his asking!

I said “Why? Are you cooking tonight?”
He said, “Yes”
I said, “Cooking for two?”
He said. “If you like”
I said nothing. More… sort of gawped… like a goldfish.

He diverted back to his desk and then turned back to saying “Actually, I am going to the gym first, so it might be late”

I said “No worries… I’m not desperately hungry”
He said “Of course, if you wanted to start cooking without me…”
I said “Nice try buster ..”
He laughed

He arrived home, with alchohol (bubbly!!!) and cooked up a rather good stir fry served on not quite cooked brown rice… perfectly acceptable.

And we conversed.

Real conversation about travelling, and stuff.

My word… anyone would think we lived together rather than just shared a habitat!

well… I mean, the 1st speedy one from home…

Broadband is officially (not so neatly) installed and it is clear the next purchase may have to be a loooong ethernet cord or a wireless router. I have cables and cords all over my bed…

Still, it is worth the mess it to be able to open the lid and type straight away without having to wait for the garbled tweets and whistles as the dialler does it’s thing.

Oh … that and it’s quick as a flash…

The events of last year were resolved in the first part by a complete severence of a relationship with a family with whom, I had spent a significant portion of my waking life. (A verbose description … my apologies)

It still pains me.

I believe I will have to live with that choice for a really long time. In fact, I do not believe that there will ever come a time when I can feel trusting enough of them that I could safely get involved in their world or have them involved in mine. Even at a superficial level.

Tough choice.

The casualties are the kids. Anyone who reads my blog will know how I feel about kids, and what great relationships I am able to develop with them and how rewarding those relationships are to me.

I hate that out there Peep, Clown and Digger are growing up, wondering where I went, why they can’t come and stay anymore and why I disappeared so suddenly and so completely.

My interest in them has to be satisfied with an occasional word from others who are still in their circle of friends and a hope for that coincidental meeting in the mall or at the park.

I realise that in being unable to give the full particulars means that there will be the suggestion that the act of Christian forgiveness is the path to reconciliation. This is true, but the issue goes beyond that, forgiveness is achieved but the inability to trust them to be mindful of me in a relationship with them remains. It isn’t safe either spiritually or emotionally…

I believe I may be due another coffee with the psychologist… Dwelling on this could make me crazy.

I worked all day today… 9-5. May I point out that it is Saturday? And that I had already worked all week?

Oh right … sorry, had 2 days off… but you get my drift yeah?

I had a bit of a frantic phone call from my agent on Friday… “Can you baby sit tomorrow?” And she gave named an extortionate figure… Bearing in mind I am already booked to sit on 2 babies tonight, in 40mins to be precise…

Anyway, I hemmed and hawed about it and said yes. Largely because it is a deserving case… Oh yeah, and the extortionate dollars!

Rev is a foster child, aged 7 and a member of a family of 7. And by that I mean 7 kids, 4 girls and 3 boys. He is the youngest but one. For whatever reason his parents aren’t around and he and his brother are being raised by their aunt and uncle. He also is a child with that awkward title of ADD…

Children’s Services pays for a day off here and there in the way of respite for the parents and a “big day out” for the kids. So I was charged with picking him up and showing him a good time for 8 hours.

How hard can it be right? Especially with a $50.00 allowance.

Rev’s big dream for the day was to go to the mall!!! We hit the toy departments of Target, Big W and David Jones, spent considerable time on the demo Game Cubes and X Boxes (free entertainment – woo hoo) then went to the movies to see “The Incredibles” (By the way …What happend to adults at kids prices??? By the time that we had drinks and corn $35.00 was gone!!!). Lunch at KFC and a visit to swim at Manly Beach where he terrorised the general populace, including an older middle european woman who insisted on coming and taking it out on me! What could I say???? I nodded and smiled and apologised… And Rev and me laughed about it on the way back to the car.

The final stop was Video Ezy and a movie at house of dee … Seems like movies are his favourite thing, and who am I to argue right? Especially as by this time I was wrecked…

Oh, I forgot to mention the 20 minute trip to the aquarium… Cost – ridiculous … value zero… seen one fish apparently? Seen them all!!! Even if they look like Dory and Nemo!

So, as the day closed Rev asked if I could come back next weekend… and the one after that… so I think I was a bit of a hit… I mean, anyone would have been for an attention starved individual like Rev. Heartbreaking really. To be in it for the money seems a bit mercenary, especially when I was doing things I secretly wanted to do with the perfect excuse!!!

I’ll offer to do it again though… all drama aside it was a cool day.

By the way, Smudgie? I think I’d be up for Tiddles and Smudgelet after all… (So long as we go do coffee at Shanklin Chine too)