Singular Scene

So Singular in Each Particular

Biting Off More Than One Can Chew

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I think I am going to be very thin by time the weekend is over. I wish I meant upholstery wise but actually am erring more toward the emotional depth I will be capable of… If being on the verge of tears as I am now is anything to go by I fear I am in for a pounding…

I worked a full week, as I always do, I have been booked for a babysitting job tonight (which I usually do on Friday nights) and I have a 24 hour babysitting job on tomorrow till Sunday lunch.

*Deep Breath*

Then… I am meeting up with Bet and we are going to church together… Then I am going back to work on Monday…

… Gah … The only thing I can change is Bet, and I haven’t seen her in ages…

Why do I do this to myself?

Here’s why.

I need a lot of dollars so I can go home for Christmas. Maybe I should just shelve the trip ’till a less stressful time… but I really want to see the family and spend some downtime away from work and church and life.

I also need enought dollars to cover Bliss’ rent till the Count moves in (I’ll tell you about him tomorrow). I have just paid the power bill, my car needs a service and I am desperate for a summer wardrobe…

So…

If you have any brilliant (legal) ideas for making shedloads of money in a short amount of time… I’m all ears.

Singularly Safe

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There’s a line in the movie “Something’s Gotta Give” which goes something like this

Marin (Amanda Peet): … “I’m just not cut out for this kind of drama. “
Erica (Dianne Keaton): “I think it’s the drama in life that makes you strong.”

The context of the quote is Erica is falling apart because a relationship has ended and Marin, who can’t bear the emotional upheaval of that kind of situation, is outlining her reasons for avoiding any sort of relationship that leaves you in that kind of state.

I know how she feels and I wonder if part of the reason there are so many single girls in my acquaintance is that we make that choice to withold and actually withdraw from emotional interaction unless we know it’s safe from hurt.

But really… is it ever safe? Even those relationships that one expects to be the safest rarely are. Family relationships change, pets are not around forever. The truth is, however much we try and avoid it, whether we like it or not, emotional upheaval is a part of life.

I hate that, because I have a tendency to think like Marin. Safest is easiest, I mean, I haven’t even watched the movie ‘Titanic’ from beginning to end… I can’t bear getting that involved with the characters because I know how the movie ends.

So, here I am 36 years old, never having had a really intimate, long term relationship and I can’t help wondering if those sentiments have influenced my relationship life. It is easy to say, “I just don’t think the right guy has come along…” but the fact is, would I have recognized him? Could he have been any number of the guys I have met and discarded at first sight because it was safer not to get involved?

Does my internal thought about relationships create an atmosphere of unavailability around me? I know a heap of guys who are awesome and single and while a lot of what I hear around the place is that they are useless and don’t bother to ask the amazing single girls around here out I have to ask myself, if I was coming across as a little less distant would they would change their tune?… I mean, it’s a two way street right?

So that’s what some of this year has been about… making a decision to take a risk… So, when someone asks I’m going to say YES* even if at first sight I might have thought NO…

At least I’ll be getting out more …

*axe wielding maniacs excepted, of course

Bliss is off to Land of the Queens

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Well, it’s all over… after 1009 days together I am losing my Bliss.

Since she first started talking about a move to ‘that city up north’ it has been almost 4 months… it hardly seems real that we are moving into a new phase and going our separate ways. How funny does this sound? Like we’re breaking up…

I guess we are.

I used to get asked quite regulary if Bliss was my best friend, and insensitive as it sounds I always said no. Bliss and I are friends of a different kind, not exactly kindred spirits but better flatmates because of it I think. We knocked around together comfortably, the length of time it lasted is testament of that, I think it was an opposites ‘attract’ kind of thing! We were together so long we were always invited places together and always spoken of in the same sentence… The odd couple.

I think I am blissfully (excuse the pun) ignorant of how much I am going to miss her. I am not a sentimental type of chick and currently feel reasonably philosophical about the change… I think I am in denial. I believe I am going to miss the sneezing in the morning, the door closing as she leaves the house at 6am, the vacuum cleaning, the ability to excuse eating icecream at any time of the day, and chocolate for that matter.

Of course, I am also going to miss the long chats late in the evening, the single girls lament as we discussed our singular status, I’m going to miss her easy company too. Her wisdom and her amazing insight.

She’s a top chick.

So, here’s to the future!! And free lodging up north… And the best thing is that she will be back here every 8 weeks for work. You just gotta be happy with that…