The Next Big Thing
Tomorrow could be considered a day off work which is, of course, a Very Good Thing though I have to spend it at this Big Thing which to some, may not be considered quite such a great day off.
I am happy to be going, in spite of being in the midst of a crowd of 28,000 people and in spite of having to leave home at insane o’clock to get there before the traffic gets out of control… The line up of speakers for the day is impressive, and our very own Senior Pastor has even been offered the platform so we will be there to support him and raise a rousing cheer.
There is an interesting dynamic between the hosts and us. Being the 2 largest churches in Sydney inspires a touch of competition… strange considering that we are all working toward the same goal. That of seeing Sydney changed into a better place. seeing peoples lives changed.
Still, there are elements who see them as a threat and that bothers me exceedingly.
It is true, they sell ridiculous numbers of albums of their music and we make albums and sell less than ridiculous numbers.
We have a college that trains up artists as leaders. They have a college that trains up leaders as artists. Each has their benefits, neither is perfect.
There are thousands of other churches out there trying to achieve the same goals as us. With smaller numbers but with no less genuine people. No one church has the monopoly. No one church gets it All right. But something they are doing has favour on it.
And so, tomorrow I will go and support them wholeheartedly because to do so benefits all of us.
And because it’s a day off…
Getting on Top
Being ‘On Top’ is an expression Mum uses often. You may or may not remember that she is brain injured and one of the effects of the injury is a fairly fluid emotional state.
So ‘On Top’ days are the good ones. The days when you can see over the mountain in front of you rather than being stuck at the bottom.
Today I am feeling ‘On Top.’
I made the phone call I alluded to yesterday and we spoke as if the air had always been clear. It felt good. I am glad to be free of the aggravation.
Seriously. It wasn’t worth holding on to it. I am not sure if it actually changes the underlying situation. In fact it probably wont, but the fact is my end it changes me and that can only be a good thing particularly as the angry Dee has been shut down.
Part of the deal with being ‘On Top’ is that I am getting on with some of those jobs which hang over your head.
I wrote an album review for an e-mag that was due tomrorrow… Nothing like leaving it to the last minute
I sent out this months invoices. All 2 of them… Not nearly good enough.
Yesterday I sent a terse email to a client who has been a delinquent… he responded with a promise to pay me tomorrow…
Hoo Ray.
So tomorrow I need to
Call Cash the accountant, about my tax stuff. Hopefully more money coming… hopefully also, enough to cover my airfares to Honolulu.
Actually book for Honolulu…
Call the mechanic about my car… (uh oh…)
And any number of other Little Jobs.
Best of all I don’t have to be at work at 7.30 with my singing voice on for the staff meeting… there isn’t one.
I am Happy About That.
Pretty Angry Young(ish) Thing
Well; little thought has gone into posting lately. I have had many moments when the framework of a post would be born in my mind only to be complete rubbish when written down. Usually because it doesn’t sound nearly so interesting as it felt at the time…
Oh yeah… That and the fact that I haven’t been very good company lately… Ask any of my friends…
erm.. perhaps better not to…
So I finally took time out from the telly tonight to try and get to the bottom of my malaise. Particularly as I had been ever so much more than cranky all day. This was compounded by the little darlings at the office who chock up our mail server with too big emails and make it impossible for me to achieve any kind of work because it cruicifies my access to the internet… (See? Grumpy as hell… anyway, I digress…)
So, I took myself and my Precious off to the bedroom and hauled out my dusty Sketchbook to do a bit of soul searching. Ed.Using a sketchbook sounds ever so arty… complete rubbish, of course, she usually ends up writing in it rather than sketching given that she is much more text oriented than capable of rendering a recognizable image…
I put on some meditative music and began to draw.
As is usually the case I ended up writing… writing a letter actually. And as I wrote down how I was feeling I realised that the thing that had put me in this aggravated state is my anger.
Bitter, ugly, screaming, red hot, bloody, Anger.
Me.
That Furious.
Anger I had been holding onto for 3 months.
Not Good At All.
And the only way to deal with it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone more is to forgive. Which I could argue about and justify myself against and be perfectly fair in doing so. It wasn’t my fault.
Seriously.
At All.
But that doesn’t solve the anger problem. That doesn’t make me any more pleasant to be around.
No.
Stopping the anger and choosing to forgive is the only way to go forward.
So I crawl up onto His lap and cry into His shoulder because the anger came from a painful experience and He is the only one who really knows the story.
And I promise Him I will phone home.