To get the skinny on this post you need to be reminded about this one… and its sequel this one.

So having filled in the background, picture this little scene at the doctor’s surgery today. ( I was there to dispense with my bubbling ears).

Dr:What seems to be the trouble? (ok, so it wasn’t that cliched… I think he just said hello and waited for me to do all the talking…
Dee:I have bubbly ears.
Dr:(looking down his ear inspector gadget) Have you had a cold?
Dee: Yes
Dr: Yes, I see, there’s no infection etc, just get some decongestants.
Dee:Right

At this point I was miffed because Flick was right after all… I should have been taking over the counter drugs instead of waiting for it to get better. I’m a bit in that camp where if I feel fine and all a drug is going to do is actually mask symptons I might as well just get on with getting better without the expense. Of course it’s considered selfish because she has to put up with my snivelling dealings with the mucous. (ok, fair point)

Dee: So Dr, while we’re here I have this outstanding referral for a [deep breath] mammogram that the radiology people won’t honour until it has the correct referral information on it.

[As an aside, sorry that I broke my promise to you world wide web… I really did mean to book it in a lot sooner than this, I just couldn’t face a visit to the Dr to do it]

Dr: Right, what’s the family history again?
Dee: 2 dead relatives.
Dr: Of course [and he ticks the relevent boxes], actually you’d be better off with an ultrasound. At your age a mammogram isn’t going to show anything (the perks of still firm boosies due to not being 40 yet). Is that ok?

[Is that ok I ask myself? No boob sandwich… Ok? It’s effing Christmas…]

Dee: Fine
Dr: Right, and how up to date are you with your Pap smears [Dee crosses legs]
Dee: Actually I’ve never had one.
Dr:[looks up] Really?
Dee: Yes, I’ve been advised that as I’m not s*xually active, nor have I ever been, apparently it isn’t required.
Dr: Yes, it’s all the man’s fault [gives me a knowing smile].
Dee: Yes, they’re trouble those men [smiles and leaves the office]

The reason I know he thinks I’m a dyke is becuase the last time I had this conversation with a Dr I was 25 and his reaction to my ‘nor have I ever been’ statement was total embarassment at having assumed I was out bonking like the rest of the world.

I guess the intervening years have changed all manner of perceptions and assumptions.

I have a new tooth.

No, not the kind my nieces and nephews brag about.

It’s like this. My ‘adult’ teeth came through in those early days conditioned with enamel hypoplasia. It’s a deficiency of enamel evinced by discoloration or missing enamel, in fact in my case I was basically missing half a tooth and had an empty patch on the other – the front two of course, not the ones you can’t see!

Having said all that you might not have noticed it from my photos or from having met me in person (Hi Chops, am I right?) this is because I have very cunning dentists with all manner of cloak and dagger concoctions and equipment to disguise such dental imperfections.

This is why I love my dentist. He made my mouth beyootifuler – (at a price, of course). Actually, as the years have gone on it has been a string of dentists whom I have loved for their work on my mouth and who have loved me in return for my wallet. But today I am happy to report that my noo toof cost me nuffing.

And this is why.

I actually had the toof fixed about 2 months ago and on Saturday night it broke in my sleep. That’s the weird part, it was the middle of the night but I wasn’t actually asleep (I don’t think). I woke up round 3, deliberately bit down down hard on the tooth in question, broke it, took the piece out of my mouth and placed it on my bedside table, rolled over and immediately went back to sleep.

It has happened in the past that I have lost the tooth in my sleep (ok, so apparently I grind) but on those occasions I have been woken with a dream of eating gravel (gag) – this time I am sure I was fully conscious.

So why didn’t my brain override the decision my subconsions made to break the tooth?

I don’t know.

Anyway, my last [very expensive] dentist has changed his practice to only the most complicated and ugly procedures and I have been transferred to someone else; and where the last version of the tooth was fat and heavy like a tombstone in my mouth [appparently to him, necessary] this new one is leaner, lighter and much more comfortable.

And consequently feels much prettier too.

And totally bummed about it…

What Chops says is true, Dee and a posse(Bliss and Flick) did indeed meet with Chops and the Lovely One at the House of Ribs (not it’s real name) sans Surly (very disappointing). We had a jolly good look round the House of Chops (v. impressive) as well!

It was a terriffic night, of sticky fingers and belly laughs and we are looking forward to the return visit (whenever that may be!)

This is a picture of Dee and Chops (not his real face).