Singular Scene

So Singular in Each Particular

Heartbreak Warfare

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When I started this blog the whole focus, as is apparent in its name, was my singular status and my various attempts to remedy my singularity in favour of attaining a cooperative life at some point in the future… Well, here we are 6 years later and that future hasn’t happened.

It makes me wonder why this is so, and I wonder too what would change if my status did, and on top if these thoughts, as I sit here on the sidelines of a turmoil of someone else’s making, I also hesitantly breathe a sigh of relief that, as a single woman, I’m not at risk of quite the same pain. Because it’s the ones whom you love the most who have the greatest capacity to cause the very deepest hurt.

My visit home to NZ came with great joy, the thrill of being the surprise guest at my sister’s birthday party was worth all the effort of going; totally worth the sacrifice of both cash and available working hours just to see her face when I arrived. But the trip was also worth being there there to share the tears when events unfolded and we watched someone we love close the book on their relationship; walking away after 10 years. Walking through those waters would have been so much harder if done on foreign shores – and even though it’s not my little immediate family that’s being torn apart it is close and one I love very much and because of that I share a part in their heartbreak too.

We have such expectations of those closest to us, that we’ll do the right thing, that we’ll act honourably but we’re all human, we all act in our own self interest and regardless of circumstances that lead us to choose a path it is our character that determines what choices we make. I’ve seen bad choices this weekend, I’ve seen character flaws I really I hadn’t seen before and I’m just so disappointed. I didn’t want to be let down, I didn’t want to be surprised by love dying. I didn’t want to believe my kin were capable of choosing so poorly.

I want to turn back the clock, for them and for me – and I want to fix it. But the mess isn’t mine to clean up and I am powerless to put things back together. I can’t undo choices made and I can’t ameliorate the damage.

So I sit here, with my heart just a bit more broken than it was on Friday and I wonder, once again, if I’m not better off.

Son of Awesome

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Hello from the chill of the Waikato, NZ. This flying visit to celebrate my sister’s 40th was a big surprise to everyone but Lil’ Sis’ and the looks on people’s faces when the penny dropped was priceless!! So glad that I don’t live SO far away that a long weekend home isn’t out of the question… Oh that and ridiculously pleased that the fares were affordable! Thank heaven’s for a competitive market… (but sorry about the carbon footprint…)

I’ve just updated the O for Awesome sidebar – here’s a brief precis of this week’s picks!!

Image of the week is actually a gallery if images I found via Coudal’s Fresh Signals Feed (my no 1 source for things awesome) and just seems to sum up to me the wonder of children’s imaginative play – check out Journey to Everywhere by Jan van Holleben

Surf’s Up is a site called The Creators Project – cool to surf around and see what other creative individuals are getting into!! Some cool music and video and interesting people!

Video of the Week is some ‘tech-cute’ can I get an awwwww? AT-AT Day Afternoon

I’m still reading a Million Miles – but the CD on rotation this week is Technicolor by The Parachute Band. A churchy one for the uninitiated but some very cool stuff if that’s your bent…

Because I’m in NZ I’ve posted http://kiwifruit-the-blog.co.nz/2010/07/a-weekend-of-rellies-and-ralli.html as my featured image – just to give a shout out for one of my longest standing bloggy friends – and the http://sizzlesays.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/i-am/ who had the revelation this week that I hope everyone who’s ever felt small gets sooner rather than later in their life!

Edited to add, I have two lots of featured images – Fi’s who has me all nostalgic for nice wines on her balcony is a bonus!! Have a great week.

Twitter Activity for 2010-07-04

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  • no kissing tonight boys – garlic mashed potatoes for dinner. Frankly, the sacrifice was worth it. #kitchenninja #
  • Ugh. Just watched the bus fly past from across the Street. #shakesfistatuniverse #
  • Dear universe, get yourself a lawyer. I have my 3rd cold this season and I'm holding you responsible. #
  • Is tucked away in a restaurant carpark about to spring a surprise! #

In with the New

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I have a vague recollection of a movie scene wherein the hero, an author, sits down in front of his typewriter, flexes his fingers, and in an exaggerated fashion places them on the keys and begins to write.

I feel like that guy.

It’s been such a long time that when I found my brain defaulting back to blog post type thoughts rather than tweets and subsequently logged into my blog to blow off the dust I still couldn’t muster the enthusiasm – neither for the front end, the bit you see (that notepad chaos theme was well overdue an overhaul), nor for the back end, my old faithful Movable Type installation.

So, you know, I threw it all out and started again.

Need I tell you that this occurrence was more than a month ago? Apparently good things take time…

I’m sure that most of my readers won’t be interested in what prompted the change from MT to WP – I’ll document that over at the Web Princess blog – for now, here I am back and enthused both to have transferred all my old posts from the wibsite and seamlessly integrated them (actually, it was a slow and laborious task) with the self hosted MT ones to find myself with a fairly comprehensive record of the last 6 years.

I know, six.