Ever feel really disappointed that as an adult and a Christian, having a massive dummy spit isn’t really kosher??

Yeah… me too.

I am a little bit tired of being the person that people ask to fix things… it’s a bed I made myself by saying yes too often but I said yes tonight and I really wish I hadn’t.

You see, I am apparently the only person capable of doing screens for the prayer meeting tonight because everyone else is out travelling the world, hanging with their family or spending their time with dying relatives. That’s the bitch about being a single expatriate… no life and no reason to say no.

The reason it made me so furious is because for unknown reasons, I really, really, really love being at home at the moment… probably a little too much actually. So when I am looking forward to an evening at home and I can’t have it I feel really stressed… and not a little ranty. Clearly I really need a holiday. Thank goodness this weekend is a 4 day one and I am going to NZ in 11 sleeps!!!

All this aggro has got me to thinking that it might be a very good idea to set myself some ground rools regarding the holiday to make sure I don’t end up overdoing it there too…

So… here are the ‘Deeleea’s Desperately Seeking a Proper Holiday Rools’.

1. There will be time to read books for fun. [recommendations please – crime particularly but also chick lit desirable too!
2. There will be nothing that HAS to be done.
3. I will see the people I want to see, not necessarily everyone who wants to see me.[actually Fi, that includes you… if you’re up for a blog meet!
4. There will be some things I just won’t be able to do. And that’s ok
5. I will not fill in every minute with doing stuff.
6. Sometimes I will not actually turn the phone on.
7. While I will may be taking the laptop I don’t have to reply to email.[especially not from work]
8. If I don’t get to see everyone I have to accept that it may cause an upset somewhere along the line. I won’t feel bad about that…hopefully.
9. It is ok to sleep in.
10. I will drink less caffeine.
11. I will get some proper fresh air.
12. I will take my camera and will USE it.
13. Being alone is a holiday for me, so there will be time when I want to be alone, and probably a fair bit of it. And that’s ok too.
14. I will let people lavish me with gifts… Oh yes….

Now I am going to write the family and friends version of the rools and distribute them just so people know what to expect… And don’t worry, I’ll do it when I’m feeling less ranty.

[ed. on looking back over this… I feel like I sound like a real cow… sorry about that, but if you can’t be real in your diary where can you?]

In recent times I had got into the rather bad habit of staying up way too late and being a write off by the time I was supposed to arrive at work bright and breezy ready for the day…

The Boss could always tell when I had been gaming or surfing or blogging into the wee hours … out would come the Diet Coke… if it arrived on the table prior to 11am you knew that it really had been stupid o’clock when I went to sleep… if I had at all!!

Well, the fact is you can’t live like that right? Especially when 40 is closer than 30 (OMG!!!) So… I made a tough decision and stopped bed blogging… In fact the computer now stays on the kitchen table (which is actually the dining table and it lives in the lounge/dining room … Let’s face it, I live in a shoebox) but I digress…

Given that I have this 2nd job and am working my way through the new website projects, I have a new routine which is working rather nicely…

1. 5pm – I leave the office on time… (A very mean feat… considering I used to be the Queen of staying late)
2. I set up the laptop on the Kitchen Table^TM as soon as I get home and grab a beer or coffee (depending on the day).
3. I start work on one of the extra mural projects.
4. I work till whichever of my favourite crime shows is on (usually around 8.30) unless I am off out singing like I will be tonight, or Wednesday when I am going to the Lion King (HOORAY). (and somewhere in there I eat something).
5. Once my show has finished I check in on the blog stats and comments.
6. I head to bed.
7. At a reasonable hour.
8. I sleep well.
9. I get up and go walking on the beach
10. I go to work all bright and breezy as contracted to be…

Let’s see how long it lasts… At least I’m not scorching the Doona (duvet/comforter) cover with my hot little laptop!!!

There will be local friends who read this blog and be a bit dismayed… and some family who may quiver with anticipation… but I had some news today which made me look more closely at moving back to NZ than I have done in all my time here… A kind of “what if?” thought process and a running by God to see what sort of resonance I get about it…

Sis is pregnant… bringing the total young ‘uns in my family to 5 (you may remember that Lil’ Sis will give birth in the next couple of weeks).

Why do I live here? I have no kids of my own so being an aunt is the closest thing to motherhood I can see at the moment and here are all my favourite people in the world growing before my very eyes. That’s the one thing I hate about living here.

Is it enough to make me up stakes and go home?

I guess I’ll know more in two weeks.

You may have (and if you haven’t… where have you been???) noticed the signs… Everywhere you look proclomations of an impending holiday. Hot Cross Buns and Easter Eggs, declarations of the arrival of spring (or autumn!). Parades and Easter Bonnets.

Hip Hip Hooray. What Joy.

Joy in Choclolate. Joy in Seasonal Change. Joy in a 4 day weekend.

Bah Humbug.

The real Joy of course, for the believers, is in salvation the holiday rembers; the celebration of a sacrifice horrific in the extreme. A sacrifice at once personal and universal and one I am embarassed to admit is one that has scarcely touched me this year even as we approach Easter. Even as I work in an instutition whose very foundation is build on the life of the sacrifice Himself.

I had intended to write of another anniversary, the 1st marking the end of an era in my life but I find myself more conscious of the stance of my soul towards Him. I am listening to someone sing of Him and for the 1st time in a long time, I am moved, I feel myself turn and see his hand outstretched. His smile warm and his arms, oh so inviting.

Who am I to be so singled out?

His creation,
His daughter,
His servant.

His precious.

And all at once I am once again moved toward him. Even ashamed at my neglect, at my wilful withdrawl and rebellion I look up, redfaced

and hopeful.

And He takes my face in his hands, tears streaming down both our cheeks and he kisses my forhead, wraps his strong arms around me and doesn’t let go.

In Love?

Yes, I am.